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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23114236">I Loved You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hipsher/pseuds/Hipsher'>Hipsher</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Coming Out, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I feel bad for Jeno, I'm not very confident, M/M, Mentions of Yuta - Freeform, My First AO3 Post, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Poor kid dosen't feel very good about himself, mentions of Donghyuk &amp; Mark, so I am sorry now if that gets annoying, so if my tags look weird that's part of the reason why</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 16:08:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>27,137</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23114236</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hipsher/pseuds/Hipsher</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Jeno feels dead, he’s so emotionally drained that a part of him just wants to get this over with so he can feel better. He chuckles, 'you can always count on the human mind to be selfish huh'." </p><p>Your fiancé starts acting different once your brother comes back to Korea after working for a year in England.   </p><p>Please don't judge me for this summary, I have never done one of these before and I now know I hate them! Anyway this is my first ever fanfic, so I hope it is decent! Please give me any feedback you have, I love writing and I want to know what people like or don't like!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Part I</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello! Thank you for giving me a chance! </p><p>Key:<br/>Italics are English words or just thoughts<br/>H̄ạwcı: Thai, meaning spirit or center<br/>Hintern: German. meaning butt<br/>értóng: Chinese, meaning baby</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You groan as you lightly hit your head against the table. Jeno glances over at you and laughs. </p>
<p>“You good,<em> bro?”  </em></p>
<p>You whip your head in his direction and squint your eyes at him. “Listen here Lee, I may only be half Korean and from England but I am still Korean, so don’t<em> bro </em> me. Save that for your hyungs.” After your statement, you resume your head slamming. </p>
<p>He rolls his eyes at you before getting up and making his way over to you. Standing behind your chair he wraps his arms around you and presses a kiss to the back of your head before leaning his cheek against your cheek. “Let’s take a break, yeah? Go to Jaemin’s café?” </p>
<p>“What do you mean ‘let’s take a break’? I am the only one working here,” you grumble, shrugging him off in order to stand up. </p>
<p>You grab your wallet, you both put your shoes on and off you two go. The walk to the café was 5 minutes of discussion about which flowers matched the vases best and which vases matched the venue. The café was a hole in the wall place that your adopted brother opened a week ago, so of course, visiting any other café was a betrayal of the highest standard to Jaemin. </p>
<p>As soon as you open the door, you’re greeted with quiet conversations and the sound of pouring liquid. You smile as you make your way up to the counter, already having yours and Jeno’s order in mind.</p>
<p>
  <em> “How can I help you today?”  </em>
</p>
<p><em> “You know full well what I want Liu. Two hot chocolates, and don’t be stingy on the whipped cream,” </em> you order, leaning on the counter. </p>
<p>YangYang smiles and rolls his eyes<em> , “You say that every time, it’s time to get more creative l/n.” </em></p>
<p>You click your tongue and hold the card out for him to swipe. </p>
<p>
  <em> “You know one of these days you should make Jeno pay for you, he is the man in the relationship after all.”  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “And what are you implying? That I can’t pay just because I’m a woman? That is incredibly sexist of you, I thought I raised you better than this.”  </em>
</p>
<p>He raises an eyebrow as he hands the card back<em> . “First of all you didn’t raise me, if anything, I raised you. And having raised you I know how cheap you are Miss. You-and-Jaemin-can-share-a-bag-of-chips-l/n.”  </em></p>
<p>
  <em> “Fine if I’m so cheap then you’re uninvited to the wedding. Save me some money and food.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Oh please you’d crash and burn without me, now go away. You’re holding up the line.”  </em>
</p>
<p>You stick your tongue out at him before walking over to the table Jeno had secured for you two. Sliding in the seat across from him, you slide his card back to him. He looks down, up to you, and back at the card. “Is this my card?” </p>
<p>“You know it. I may not let on, but YangYang taught me to be a pretty good pickpocket. Jaemin too for that matter.” </p>
<p>“You know for being engaged, I feel like I know nothing about you.” </p>
<p>You wink at him, “That’s my charm sweetie.” </p>
<p>He rolls his eyes, unamused by your behavior. “Are you sure you and Jaemin aren’t blood related? You sure act a lot alike.” </p>
<p>“Jeno-yah you should know more than anyone that family isn’t blood.” </p>
<p>You both look up to the owner of the voice, smiling once you see your brother. You glance over at Jeno and see the way his eyes light up when he looks at Jaemin, just before pain flashes through them. You make a mental note to ask him about it later.</p>
<p>“Yes well I still think that the resemblance you guys have in characteristics is creepily similar. I mean you both have that creepy no shame smile,” he says, pointing between the two of you as Jaemin wraps his arm around your shoulder. </p>
<p>Jaemin squeezes your shoulders and smiles, “Well growing up with someone does that to a person.”</p>
<p>You swat his hand away “Don’t act like you care, you and YangYang would feed me to the wolves.”</p>
<p>Jaemin laughs. “Yes well YangYang is a naughty German kid.” </p>
<p>“What do you mean ‘naughty German kid’, what you got against the Germans huh?” YangYang quizzes, placing the two hot chocolates on the table. </p>
<p>Jaemin holds his hands up in surrender. “Nothing, I only know you and you are very naughty.” </p>
<p>YangYang shakes his head, muttering something that sounds like “Okay English man” before retreating to the counter. </p>
<p>You laugh before looking up at your brother, “Shouldn’t you be working?” </p>
<p>He blinks at you before repeating in a mocking voice. “Shouldn’t you be working?” </p>
<p>You look over at Jeno, who was watching you both with found eyes, and pointed your thumb over to Jaemin. “Someone’s mad he can’t sit with the best couple.” </p>
<p>“Someone’s mad he can’t sit with the best couple,” Jaemin mocks before turning his back to you and walks back to wherever he came from. </p>
<p>Jeno tracks him with his eyes before looking back at you “You know I don’t understand how you, Jaemin, and YangYang are so close. I mean me and my hyung are close but not this close.” </p>
<p>You shrug your shoulders and pick up your hot chocolate, “I guess it’s just what happens when you have a military family who adopts stray kids from orphanages in random countries because ‘I swear that this is the place for us’. I used to be upset whenever we moved, but back then I didn’t know my dad had no control over that. I got my brothers so I guess it all worked out in the end.” </p>
<p>He grabs your hand from across the table and rubs his thumb across your palm before proceeding to ask you if you’d rather fight a horse sized duck or a duck sized horse.</p>
<p>                                                    ~one week later~</p>
<p>At 6 in the morning, your alarm reminds you that you have a life on weekdays and it was time to get back to it. You look to your left where Jeno normally was, only to find him missing. </p>
<p><em> “It’s too early for this,” </em>you mumble as you pick your clothes out for the day and head to the bathroom to change. </p>
<p>Once you’re dressed to take on the day, you make your way out towards the kitchen. You stop at the doorway upon seeing your fiancé pouring milk into a coffee cup that presumably had your tea in it. </p>
<p>“What’re you doing up so early Mr. preschool teacher assistant? And what is all of this?” </p>
<p>He turns around to face you before motioning to the island for you to take a seat as he places the cup in front of you. “I haven’t been sleeping well lately,” he says shrugging, never quite meeting your eyes, “I woke up at 5 today so I decided to do something useful and make you your tea.” </p>
<p>Smiling you pick up the cup to blow on it. “Thank you, I appreciate it. But are you okay? What’s got you thinking so much?” </p>
<p>He flashes you a smile, one that doesn’t reach his eyes. Eyes that look so tired. So pained.</p>
<p>“It’s nothing to worry about, just a lot at the school,” he moves over to your side of the island and sits on the other bench, “I just want you to remember that in this moment and forever I’m going to love you for who you are. You are nothing but perfect and I don’t know how I got lucky enough to know you, let alone be engaged to you. Just, just remember that, okay?” </p>
<p>Setting down your cup you grab his hand and scan his face. His eyes held so much sincerity in them, you had never seen him so serious yet so desperate at the same time “Okay, I promise. Any reason this is coming up?” </p>
<p>He smiles and stands up to press a kiss on your forehead. He gives you that sad, tired smile  “Don’t worry about it okay? I’m going to go shower, see you when you get home.”</p>
<p>“Oh okay, see you later. Have a great day and I love you too.” </p>
<p>He flashes one last smile before walking down the hallways and disappearing into the bedroom. You look at where he used to stand, confused as to the recent change in his behavior. He’s been acting strange for the past two weeks and since last week he’s had issues sleeping. Mental note #2, pick up some melatonin. </p>
<p>Shaking your head, you grabbed your tea as you stand up to go collect the rest of your belongings for the day, also grabbing the gimbap from the day before as a breakfast. </p>
<p>“Je I’m heading out now, bye bye,” you close the door after hearing a muffled ‘bye’ from somewhere in the bedroom. You make your way out of the apartment complex to the nearest bus stop where you proceed to wait for the next bus to whisk you away to the world of clients and paperwork. </p>
<p>
  <em> “Mind if I sit?”  </em>
</p>
<p><em> “Not at all,” </em>you respond scooting over to make room for the man to join you at the bus stop. It takes a second to realize that 1) that was not Korean and 2) you recognize that voice. You whip your head to look at your seatmate, and right in front of your eyes, you see your college best friend grinning his signature cat-like smile. </p>
<p>
  <em> “Ten! What are you doing in Korea? Last I talked to you, you were still in England?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “I’m here to translate for a court case involving a Thai man and it just so happens that this bus takes me to the court house, so before you can accuse me, no y/n, I am not stalking you.”  </em>
</p>
<p>You laugh<em> , “Well that’s definitely not what I pictured you doing with your bachelors in language.”  </em></p>
<p>He shrugs and leans against the wall.<em> “Translating is an interesting job, takes you places. My goal is to make it to China and translate for some K-Pop idol on Happy Camp.”  </em></p>
<p>
  <em> “Well that’s definitely possible, but isn’t Mandarin the language you get the least practice with?”  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Oh definitely, I just haven’t met any Chinese people lately. I mean here obviously everyone speaks Korean, everyone back home speaks Thai, and everyone from uni speaks English. Really the only practice I get is when I call my grandparents, which isn’t often.”  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Well today’s your lucky day my dude, because you remember my adopted brother YangYang? He’s Chinese, well Taiwanese, but anyways he’s looking for someone to practice with too.”  </em>
</p>
<p>Ten looks over to you in surprise<em> “He knows Chinese after living with you guys for so long?”  </em></p>
<p>Nodding your head, you turn to look back at the busy city<em> , “We adopted him in Germany after his grandmother who was taking care of him passed away. He was 11 and had a good understanding of English and German. My parents wanted him to hold onto his Mandarin and Taiwanese so they bought him books and every weekend we’d watch a movie in one of the two, but he hasn’t had a lot of practice speaking it and I think it’d be good for him.”  </em></p>
<p>He smiles, eyes flashing down to your left hand.<em> “Only if you come with me, I miss seeing you. Plus I would love to show off my language skills to you again, I’ve improved a lot since you left for Korea.”  </em></p>
<p>You laugh and rest your head against the bus stop walls<em> . “Well I don’t see why not, we can meet at my other brother’s café which is also where he works.”  </em></p>
<p>He looks down the street before standing up<em> “That sounds nice, it can be a study date like we used to have back at uni. Just less studying.”  </em></p>
<p>Snorting, you stand up to join him as the bus pulls up<em> “You make it sound like we did study. You know full well that at those study sessions we didn’t get much studying done.”  </em></p>
<p>
  <em> “Crap y/n how much is the bus?”  </em>
</p>
<p>After scanning your bus pass, you turn around to see him frozen at the front of the bus digging for his wallet in the front pocket of his jeans. You shake your head, before swiping your card for him.<em> “Typical Ten, because you can’t keep your head on your shoulders I end up losing money. I hope you know that you are paying for whatever I want at the café.” </em></p>
<p>Sinking into the seat next to you, he responds<em> “Was planning on it anyways H̄ạwcı.”  </em></p>
<p> ~same day but after you left~</p>
<p>Jeno lets out a sigh as he sits on the bed. He loves you, he really does, but he can’t love you like he wants to. He lets himself fall backwards and looks up at the ceiling, letting himself the weight of everything he’s been feeling sink in.</p>
<p>“Okay Jeno, get it together. Today is the day.” </p>
<p>He picks himself up, gathers his things, looks at himself in the mirror for a last ‘get it together Lee’ before heading out the door and to the busy streets of Seoul. His feet take him to his intended destination while his mind works in overdrive for the hundredth time to try and make sense of what he can do and before he knows it, he’s reaching out to open the door. </p>
<p>“Morning Jeno! Your regular?” </p>
<p>And suddenly the world is crashing back into him. But seeing his smile and the way he looks at Jeno, maybe everything will be okay. He doesn’t know how and he doesn’t know when, but all he knows is that as long as this man is in his life it’ll all be okay. </p>
<p>                                                    ~~</p>
<p><em> “Jeno isn’t home yet, but he should be soon. You can put your stuff in the guest room.” </em>Pushing the door open to the apartment, you take your shoes off before showing him to the room. </p>
<p><em> “Are you sure it’s okay for me to stay? I really don’t mind staying at the hotel. I don’t want to be a bother,” </em>Ten offers as he trails behind you. </p>
<p>Leaning against the doorway you smile up at him, <em> “Don’t worry about it, I’m sure Jeno won’t mind. I mean I’ve talked about you enough for him to admit he’s excited to meet you at the wedding. Plus I want you two to get along, you’re both really important to me.” </em></p>
<p>
  <em> “Yeah but-“  </em>
</p>
<p><em> “Didn’t we say we wanted to live together? This is as close as we’re ever gonna get to that. So you should enjoy it! Come on, it’ll be fun,” </em>you pout taking his hand in yours to swing your arms. </p>
<p>He rolls his eyes, not bothering to hide his amused smile<em> “I have yet to meet someone who can say no to you.”  </em></p>
<p>
  <em> Your eyes brighten up at the statement. “And that means I get my fiancé and bff in the same house? Oh heck yeah.”  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “You’re a child, how-“  </em>
</p>
<p>“Y/n I’m home!” Jeno exclaims from the front of the apartment. </p>
<p>“Jeno! I have someone I want you to meet” you yell back before pulling on Ten’s hand and dragging him down the hallway and back to the main room. </p>
<p>“Jeno, this is Ten, my college friend. Ten, this is Jeno,“ you introduce briefly.</p>
<p>Ten politely bows while Jeno blinks at him before bowing back. </p>
<p>“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Jeno-ssi. I remember the days when y/n wouldn’t shut up about you.” Ten flashes you a smile as you lightly push him. </p>
<p>“No need to be formal. Any friend of y/n’s is a friend of mine,” Jeno replies smiling. </p>
<p>You move to press a kiss to Jeno’s cheek, “I invited him to stay with us for as long as he’s here for. Is that okay?” </p>
<p>Jeno smiles down at you. “Of course, I’m excited to get to know more of your friends. This way I won’t be totally swamped at the wedding.” </p>
<p>You clap your hands together jumping a little from the excitement. “Okay, this is great. So we will get Ten situated and then we were thinking of going down to Nana’s café. Do you want to come with? It’s just going to be Ten and the brat that is YangYang practicing their Mandarin and then some catching up. But of course you can stay and we can pick you up something and do the catching up here. Or-” </p>
<p>You’re interrupted by Ten’s laugh “Y/n you’re going a million words a minute, slow down and maybe let Jeno talk for himself yeah?” </p>
<p>You stare at him for a second before erupting into a smile, “You’re right, sorry. Bad habit of mine when I get excited. Well, I will put my new found energy to work and go change.” </p>
<p>You separate from the other two to go to the bedroom, already thinking about how nice it will be to get out of this skirt and into a sweater.</p>
<p>                                                      ~~</p>
<p>
  <em> “The hick heck you doing here? I told you to stop coming in here after closing.”  </em>
</p>
<p><em> “Hello to you too sibling. As always, I appreciate the warm welcome,” </em>you respond walking in. You turn around to make sure the other two are behind you and roll your eyes when you see them standing outside the shop “Oh come on you guys, don’t let this coffee addict scare you. Get in here.”</p>
<p><em> “Y/n, are you sure it’s okay for us to be here? I don’t want to be a burden.” </em>Ten asks shyly walking in looking around at all the chairs on the table. </p>
<p>You dismiss his worries with a wave of your hand<em> “It’s fine, Jaeminie is just being annoying.”  </em></p>
<p>Jaemin scoffs<em> “Me? Annoying? I think you have it backwards punk, I am not the one in a shop after closing.”  </em></p>
<p>
  <em> “Technically, you are.”  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Oh shut up, you knew full well what I meant.”  </em>
</p>
<p>“Hate to interrupt, but can we speak Korean for the non-English person here? He’s confused by the big words and his limited English,” Jeno comments from the side. </p>
<p>You laugh and link your arm with his as an apology “Sorry Je Je. But Jaemin we came here for a reason. Where is our brat of a brother?” </p>
<p>“YangYang’s in the back,” Jaemin turns his attention towards Ten “Who’s this?” </p>
<p>You roll your eyes, “Come on Jaemin don’t play dumb, this is Ten. The really smart language major I was friends with at university. Ten, you remember Jaemin, the weirdo who slept in my house since we were nine. Now that introductions are done,” you take a deep breath, “YangYang get your hintern in here.”</p>
<p>“You guys are the messiest family with the strangest language mix I have ever seen” Jeno mutters, shaking his head. </p>
<p>“I think you mean had the pleasure of meeting,” you correct, pointing your finger at him. </p>
<p><em>“Y/n what the heck are you doing here, this is the 5th time this month!”</em> YangYang scolds as he walks out from the back room. </p>
<p>“Well my dear I am here to offer you a proposition, and that proposition is named Ten.” you reach behind you and drag Ten to your side. You say a final “Converse” before you push your best friend toward your brother and offer a motherly smile as Ten awkwardly greets him in Mandarin. </p>
<p>Once YangYang leads him to a table on the other side of the shop, you turn to face the other two. “Well now that the hard part is over, I am going to make everyone some hot chocolate. And I guess Nana’s black death drink.” </p>
<p>“Should you be touching that stuff?” Jeno questions.</p>
<p>“Have some faith in me Je, I’m the one who taught Jaemin and YangYang all that they know in the way of the drink machines.” </p>
<p>Jeno looks over to Jaemin who just nods, already knowing that there is no stopping you. </p>
<p>                                                           ~~</p>
<p>“So how have you been?’ Jaemin starts awkwardly as he leads Jeno over to a table.</p>
<p>“Things haven’t changed since this morning Min” Jeno replies as he helps take down some chairs.</p>
<p>“Jeno listen, you know I care about you. I really do, but my sister she… she means the world to me. And if I have to suffer so that she doesn’t then I will. You know that.” </p>
<p>Jeno sighs and drops into a chair “And you don’t think I feel the same way? I love her Min, I have since the moment you introduced us and I got to know her. She acts so much like you-” </p>
<p>“Jeno you have to stop this,” Jaemin interrupts, pain evident in his eyes “you chose her, and you have to honor that. I’m not saying that you have to go through with it, but you can’t lead her on like this.” </p>
<p>Jeno can feel his throat and eyes burn from the tears he is hoping to keep from falling, “But I can’t hurt her, how am I supposed to tell her that I’m-” his voice breaks and he closes his eyes “how am I supposed to tell her that I’m gay.”</p>
<p>Jaemin offers him a sad smile. He can remember how scary it was to go through this, how scary the words ‘I’m gay’ actually are. “It’ll be okay.” </p>
<p>“Will it? I had this perfect thing with this perfect girl, who has the perfect brother. And then I had to go and realize that it wasn’t the girl I wanted to marry, but her brother. And her personality is so much like yours that I ignored everything in me that told me -screamed at me- to look closer at what I actually found attractive. And I realize now that the only thing I wanted was you. I feel so broken and so guilty and I-” Jeno let out a sob and covers his mouth with his hand. </p>
<p>All the broken and hurt feelings he had harbored were finally coming out. What was he going to tell you when you came out and saw him like this? He’s not ready to tell you, he won’t be ready for a long time. But ever since Jaemin opened his café and came back from working in England, all the feelings Jeno had convinced himself that were only the feelings for his best friend came flooding back. And suddenly all the things he was supposed to feel for you, he found himself feeling for another man. For a day, a single day, he was happy. He finally understood what made him different, he finally understood why he could never fully contribute to a conversation with his friends about how good looking girls were. He finally understood why when Jaemin left, he felt this hole inside him that took months to get over. He finally understood why in those months the only thing that made him feel better was you. </p>
<p>But after that day, everything went downhill. It became harder to look you in the eyes. It became almost impossible to help plan the wedding because he felt so guilty that his heart wanted it to be Na Jaemin he was planning it with. The guilt became crushing as he struggled to love you as you should be loved, to love you like he loved your brother. </p>
<p>“I should go, could you tell her that I forgot I had to do something for work? Tell her I’ll pay next time,” Jeno stood up, chair scraping against the floor. </p>
<p>“Jeno, wait,” Jaemin protested, voice pleading. </p>
<p>“Bye, Jaemin.” </p>
<p>Jaemin sighs as he hears the bell chime signifying that his best friend had just left. What has he gotten his family into?  </p>
<p>“Guys I’m back, here’s- where’s Jeno?” you ask as you emerge from the back carrying your newly made drinks in a drink carrier. </p>
<p><em> “Oh, he just had something to do for work. Let me see how much better of a coffee maker I am than you,” </em> Jaemin says, shaking his head and reaching for his coffee. There was something wrong with him, his eyes didn’t sparkle with their normal light. </p>
<p>You sigh and slide into Jeno’s still warm seat <em> “What is wrong Jaemin-ah? Jeno has been acting so strange lately, and now you? If I’m being honest, I’m starting to get really worried. You know you can still talk to me, yeah? I’m no different than when you left.”  </em></p>
<p>His smile fell and his eyes dropped to look at his drink “I don’t think it’s me you need to worry about,<em> I think you should go check on Jeno.”  </em></p>
<p>Your eyebrows furrow and you reach for his hand<em> “Jae I don’t understand I-”  </em></p>
<p><em> “ </em>Hey, we’re done for now! Where’d Jeno go?” </p>
<p>You turn around to face your brother and Ten<em> “Oh he went home, something about work. But come sit, I made hot chocolates.”  </em></p>
<p><em> “What’s your plan of payment y/n?” </em> YangYang asks taking a seat next to Jaemin. </p>
<p>You open your mouth to reply but Jaemin beast you to it.<em> “It’s on me, I mean it’s not every day our sister’s best friend comes to visit. Now tell me, what were you and our younger brother talking about?”  </em></p>
<p><em> “For the last time, I am two months younger than you. But other than that we are all the same age,” </em>YangYang complains, laying down on the table and pouting. </p>
<p>Ten laughs and fluffs his hair. <em> “Poor értóng. But anyways Yang and I were practicing some Mandarin and setting up a time to practice.”  </em></p>
<p>
  <em> “Yeah! Ten ge is good at the language, translation was a good job for you.”  </em>
</p>
<p>Ten smiles and pulls down his sleeves in embarrassment<em> “Well, with knowing four languages, I figured I should do something with it right?”  </em></p>
<p>
  <em> “Wow, you know four languages-”  </em>
</p>
<p>Everything around you became white noise as you thought back to what Jaemin said. What could be bothering both your brother and fiancé? <em> Well, he did say that I should go check on Jeno, but how am I going to get out of here without looking like I’m ditching? </em> You look down the table and see some of the hot chocolates still in the carrier. <em> Well dang, I really like these jeans too. </em></p>
<p><em> “Here you guys,” </em> you say probably interrupting some conversation <em> , “Try some of the hot chocolate I made.”  </em></p>
<p><em> And here goes nothing. </em>As you pick up one of the cups to hand to Ten, you ‘accidentally’ drop it on the table and all the hot liquid falls onto your lap. You yelp in pain and jump up from the table. </p>
<p><em> “Oh my gosh, are you okay y/n?” </em>Jaemin asks standing up from the table and handing you a bunch of napkins. </p>
<p><em> “Yeah that just hurt a lot, wow okay.” </em>You shake your hands and hop around to try and relieve the burning a little. </p>
<p><em> “Press some napkins to it, maybe it can get some of the liquid” </em>Ten says grabbing some napkins and starts to clean the liquid off the table.</p>
<p><em> “It’s okay, I’ll just run home, change, and come back here,” </em>you make eye contact with Jaemin, sending a wink in his direction. Recognition flashes through his eyes and he nods his head. </p>
<p><em> “Do you want me to walk back with you?” </em>Ten asks. </p>
<p><em> “I’ll be fine, it’s a five minute walk. I’ll be back,” </em>and with that, you take your leave before any other debate can come up. </p>
<p>The walk back to your apartment was spent very uncomfortably. The burning eventually cooled and now you just had wet jeans sticking to your legs. </p>
<p><em> “Lee Jeno, you better be dead or dying for this to be worth it,” </em>you mumble as you walk into your apartment building and up the stairs to the first floor. </p>
<p>Once you reach your apartment, you take a deep breath before opening the door. As soon as you open the door, you can hear the sobs echoing through the apartment. </p>
<p>“Jeno?” You ask, panic lacing your voice “Jeno, where are you?” </p>
<p>“Y/n?” A broken voice asks from the living room. </p>
<p>“Jeno, what’s wrong?” You call out quickly slipping off your shoes and walking into the main part of the apartment. You find him on the living room floor, head between his knees. </p>
<p>“Y/n I-“ he’s cut off as another sob breaks through. Your heart breaks as you listen to him struggle to breathe and you wrap your arms around him to pull him to your chest.</p>
<p>“Oh honey, it’s okay. Just breathe, ready? In,” you take a deep breath and he attempts to do the same, breath shaking. “Good, now hold for 2 and 3 and now out slowly.” You repeat the process a few times, rubbing his arms. </p>
<p>“Oh my baby, are you feeling well enough for me to go get you a glass of water?” you ask as you duck your head down trying to look him in the face. </p>
<p>He sniffles and lets out a shaky, “Okay.” You smile and pat his head before standing up. </p>
<p>You hurry into the kitchen to get a glass of water. You struggle to hear him, but you don’t hear any sobs so he’s at least calmed down a little. You take your phone and text the group chat you have with your brothers telling them you’re just going to stay in tonight, an emergency. You also asked them to stall for you so that you and Jeno could have a moment to calm down before Ten came back. </p>
<p>“Okay, I’m back! Here is your water Madame,” you say as you hand him the glass. He laughs and sits up in order to take the glass. </p>
<p>“Thank you so much y/n, you don’t deserve this. You deserve someone who can be strong, someone-” </p>
<p>“Don’t think such thoughts! I’m marrying you for a reason, so don’t put yourself down so much. I don’t know what this was about, and I won’t push you to answer me right now. But we’ll talk later okay?” </p>
<p>He looks over to you, scanning your face with his red, glassy eyes. He feels dirty. How dare he cry when he’s the one lying to you. He doesn’t deserve this kind of care and he knows it, you should be comforting someone who loves you as more than a friend. </p>
<p>But he can’t bring himself to care. He can’t bring himself to push you away, to tell you the truth. But the truth of the moment, this moment, is that he wants someone else to feel sorry for him, to share his pain so for a moment he isn’t so alone.</p>
<p>“Can I ask something?”</p>
<p>“Shoot.” </p>
<p>“Why are your jeans wet?” </p>
<p>You burst out laughing, you were too worried about Jeno to remember the uncomfortable stickiness. He smiles at you, glad to hear your bubbly laughter. </p>
<p>“Oh my gosh thank you for reminding me,” you say heaving yourself up “I’m going to go change into one of your sweaters and some shorts. I shall return!” </p>
<p>You walk to the bedroom and rummage through your closet until you find your favourite hoodie belonging to Jeno. You get changed and make your way back to the living room, stopping by the hallway closet to grab some blankets. </p>
<p>“Okay Je, get your butt up and on the couch. I brought some blankets and me and you are going to watch a movie from your childhood,” you command as you throw the blankets down on the couch. </p>
<p>He looks up at you, blinking before slowly pulling himself up. You plop down next to him and pull the blankets over the two of you. You push up against his side and wiggle under his arm. You shove the remote into his hand and order him to pick. He smiles at your childness, while reveling in your closeness. </p>
<p>You guys get 30 minutes in before you hear a knock at the door. </p>
<p>“I’ll get it,” you say, sighing before standing up. You make your way over to the door, already missing the warmth of both Jeno and the blankets. Once you open the door you’re faced with Ten holding a paper bag. </p>
<p>
  <em> “Uh, I got ice cream? I don’t know, Jaemin and YangYang said something happened so they dragged me to the store to get ice cream. I got three different kinds, one for each of us. Jaemin picked out Jeno’s favourite while YangYang and I picked out yours so I don’t know if it’s right or-”  </em>
</p>
<p><em> “Oh my god shut up,” </em>you grab his wrist pulling him into the apartment “and you say I’m bad.” </p>
<p>“Jeno, Ten brought us ice cream! We each get our own, so you better believe that I ain’t sharing with any of y’all,” you yell into the apartment so Jeno can hear you. </p>
<p><em> “We’re watching a movie, join us,” </em> you offer as you grab spoons from the kitchen. </p>
<p><em> “I’d love to, but is everything okay here?” </em>Ten whispers as he takes the ice cream out of the bag and peels the plastic covering off. </p>
<p>You glance over to Jeno sighing<em> “I don’t know, I came home and he was crying. But let’s not mention it yeah?”  </em></p>
<p>Ten nods his head and hands you the ice cream. You both make your way over to the couch, you assuming your place next to Jeno and Ten occupying the space next to you. You smile as you take a bite of your ice cream,<em> I hope we always stay like this. </em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Part II</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Kuya is the Tagalog (what they speak in the Philippines) word for hyung, but instead of going after the name it goes before the name.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Jeno wakes up, you’re already gone. As he stares up at the ceiling, all of last nights emotions come back to him. Mostly just the guilt. He sighs and rubs his hands over his face, he misses waking up without the crushing weight. But he can’t tell you, because that means he really is gay. Because that means he’s different. Because that means you’ll leave him.</p>
<p>And then the urge to cry is back again, <em> why can’t this all just stop? </em></p>
<p>“Jeno-yah?” </p>
<p> The voice takes a few seconds to register in Jeno’s mind before he sighs and sits up “You can come in Ten.” </p>
<p>Ten cracks the door open and pokes his head in “There’s English pancakes in the microwave for us from y/n, they’re chocolate chip.” </p>
<p>Jeno tilts his head “English pancakes?” </p>
<p>Ten gasps and he pushes the door fully open “You’ve never had her pancakes? My dude you’re missing out, get up.” </p>
<p>Jeno rolls his eyes and pushes off the blankets. He makes his way out of the room and as he passes Ten he smiles “You know for someone who has barely talked to me, you’re awfully pushy.”</p>
<p>Ten grins at him as they make their way to the kitchen “Must be my broken Korean.”</p>
<p>Jeno snorts and sits down at the table, tracking Ten as he starts the microwave “What broken Korean? You seem to understand me pretty well.”</p>
<p>Ten turns around and squints his eyes “<em> Sorry, I don’t speak Korean well. </em>”</p>
<p>“Jerk.”</p>
<p>Jeno watches Ten as he smirks and turns his attention back to the microwave. Ten had probably just woken up, much like Jeno himself, but he looked amazing. He had never actually gotten the chance to really look at Ten, everything had felt like too much every time they had had the chance to talk. But Ten was as beautiful as he was smart, and if Jeno has learned anything about Ten it is that the man is smart. </p>
<p>And suddenly he feels his heart rate pick up and he averts his eyes to the table. What’s wrong with him? Here he is, an engaged man falling out of love and now he’s checking out your best friend? He feels sick.</p>
<p>“Lee Jeno are you ready to taste one of the best comfort foods around?” Ten says interrupting his thoughts as he slides a plate in front of him.</p>
<p>“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Jeno whispers picking up his knife and fork and cuts a piece off. Ten watches him closely, waiting for the reaction he knows is coming.</p>
<p>“And how is it?” Ten asks after Jeno had successfully taken a bite.</p>
<p>“It’s good, but why call it comfort food?”</p>
<p>“Her mom used to make these for her when she was little, and she made it for me when I had my own little meltdown,” Ten explains cutting into his own pancake.</p>
<p>Jeno nods his head, eyes never leaving his plate “Thanks for the ice cream by the way, it was definitely nice to watch a movie and snack.”</p>
<p>Ten glances up at him “Are you okay? I mean I know I’m just a random guy sleeping in your home but sometimes it’s easier talking to someone you don’t know. And obviously I’m not gonna make you talk to me, but it’s always an option. I should probably stop talking now.” He mumbles and stuffs another piece of pancake into his mouth. </p>
<p>Jeno smiles, finally looking up at Ten. Ten reminds him a lot of you “I’m just figuring some stuff out about myself, and last night was a bit much. Because I know what I have to do to feel better, but I don’t know if this kind of hurt is better than the hurt that will come as a result of me getting better. You know?”</p>
<p>“Is the hurt of getting better to you or someone else?”</p>
<p>“Both I guess, but more for the other person.”</p>
<p>Ten nods, brain working to offer some decent advice “I don’t know where my place is and when I’m overstepping, but if this thing is causing you so much distress you should try to fix it. Even if it causes hurt for someone else, at least you’re offering the truth. And from there, you can only move forward.”</p>
<p>“You’re right, I should do this. It’ll be better for everyone in the end.”</p>
<p>Jeno feels dead, he’s so emotionally drained that a part of him just wants to get this over with so he can feel better. He chuckles, <em> you can always count on the human mind to be selfish huh. </em></p>
<p>Ten smiles “Then let today be a day of healing for Lee Jeno.” </p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>You sigh as you sit down with Park Jisung, one of the kids you’re in charge of, at a cafe near his current home, “Jisung-ah what happened?”</p>
<p>“I can’t stay there y/n,” he mumbles looking down at his lap</p>
<p>“Did they hurt you? Answer honestly Jisung, I’m here to help”</p>
<p>He shakes his head, eyes flicking up to meet yours before dropping back to his lap “When you’re a foster kid for long enough you learn a few things, one of which is you learn pretty quickly how to tell when a family cares. They only took me in for the money y/n. And it makes you feel like an object when you live like that, it’s too much. I can’t go back, please y/n. I can’t go back to that feeling, it’s too much too-”        </p>
<p>Your heart breaks as you hear the 16 year old boy in front of you struggle to maintain his composure. Jisung was your first case and you have been there for him since you transferred him out of his first foster home last year, and with this being his 5th home you had gotten to know him quite well. “Jisung-ah look at me.”</p>
<p>He takes a deep breath as he mentally prepares himself to be told that you’re going to relocate him. No matter how many times he hears it, there’s always this sinking feeling as he’s reminded he doesn’t belong anywhere.</p>
<p>“I applied to be a foster parent 5 months ago, and it takes about 3 mounts to become legal. Now it might be a long shot, but what if I transfer your file over to Taeil? And then he can place you in my care if that’s something you’re willing to consider.”</p>
<p>His eyes widen at the possibility “Are you serious?”</p>
<p>You nod your head, “I have no idea how long this will take, but it should be okay. I mean I am a foster parent who is getting married and has a stable income. The transfer should only take a day and as you know placing you with the family doesn’t take long at all. So the longest I think it will take is a day.”</p>
<p>“Y/n if you can do this I will be the best kid, I promise to be respectful of you and your fiancé and the rules of the house. I will do whatever you need me to do and I’ll try not to complain-”</p>
<p>“Jisung” you interrupt laughing “I know you and I know you will be a joy to have around the house. I only ask that you go back to your old foster home for the time being until I am able to get the paperwork all done okay?”</p>
<p>He nods his head “I can do that, I can totally do that.”</p>
<p>You smile and dig around in your purse for your card “Here, go buy me a hot chocolate and buy yourself something.”</p>
<p>He accepts the card with a determined look and nods his head. You smile at him as he walks over to the counter, pulling at the sleeves of his sweater. If you’re being honest, this isn’t the first time you’ve considered fostering the kid. He was such a sweet kid when you met him, and despite the trauma of his past he has remained sweet. He looks at you smiling triumphantly after he succeeds in making the order, so you give him a thumbs up.</p>
<p>“Oh right” you mumble to yourself grabbing your phone and opening your contacts. You and Taeil aren’t very close outside of work, but at work it was you two ‘outsiders’ against all the native Seoul born works. Taeil is fully Korean yes, but his family had moved to the Philippines for his dad’s work when he was young and he lived there until he came back to Korea for college. You press the call button and hold the phone up to your ear.</p>
<p>“Hello?”</p>
<p>“Kuya, I have a proposition for you.”</p>
<p>“Oh? I don’t know if I like that coming from you, but I’ll bite. What is it?” he asks, amusement lacing his voice.</p>
<p>“So I was wondering if you could take Jisung’s case from me-”</p>
<p>“Why? What happened? He hasn’t changed too much since the last time you saw him has he? If he’s a total jerk just say the word and I will personally come down there and-”</p>
<p>“I don’t even want to hear the end of that sentence” you say laughing “and no, he is not a jerk now. I was thinking I could become his foster parent, I mean that is if you take his case from me and decide Jeno and I are a fit home for him. But Kuya I have to do something to make sure this kid gets a good home, you should’ve heard him when he was telling me about his current home. He sounded so broken.”</p>
<p>“Y/n I know you, you would make a great mother. Especially to a kid like Jisung.”</p>
<p>You smile and look over to the kid in question who was grabbing the drinks. He even held a paper bag that probably held something sweet inside “Thank you Kuya, thank you so much.”</p>
<p>“I mean we are social workers to help kids right? Send me the flies and I’ll start on it right away, I think I can even get him to come home with you today if I work fast enough.”  </p>
<p>“Oh my god really?” You look up at Jisung with wide eyes and he mouths a ‘what’ at you as he settles back into his seat.</p>
<p>Taeil chuckles “Yeah, I’m willing to work while I eat and complete the process that is needed to transfer a case. And if you do the same we can finish this fast and get him home with you.”</p>
<p>“Kuya Taeil you are the absolute best, I cannot believe that you are willing to do this for me. I love you, you are the best co-worker a girl could ask for. Okay, I’ll go finish my half of the paperwork and send it your way.” Jisungs eyes widen as he finally realizes what you were talking about.</p>
<p>“I know, I’m the best no need to remind me. Text me when you’re done and I’ll get started.”</p>
<p>“Okay, I can do that. I owe you a thousand Oreos.”</p>
<p>“Damn right you do, okay I am leaving now. Goodbye.”</p>
<p>You laugh at his usual abrupt ending “Goodbye.”</p>
<p>“Was that Taeil-hyung? What did he want, did he say he’d take my case?”</p>
<p>“Yes he did Jisung, he even said that we might be able to get you to come home with me today! You could meet my best friend Ten, he’s an incredible dancer like you. He could teach you so so much!” you say bouncing slightly in your chair.</p>
<p>He grins “Thank you for even offering to take me in, you didn’t have to do that.”</p>
<p>You shrug “I come from an adoption family, my two brothers are adopted. And it’s a totally cliché thing to say but you remind me of my German brother. He’s such a sweet kid, but when we first got to know him he was really lonely? I don’t know if that’s the right word, but he just needed a family to love him. And I think you’ll fit in well with me and Jeno, you’re even old enough to be my brother. So if you stay with me for long enough you’ll be part of the l/n, Na, and Liu household.”</p>
<p>“That sounds like a mouth full. Now before we forget here is your hot chocolate, I bought us some cake to share,” he says as he passes you the drink “However, before I am going to give you any of this cake you need to finish that transfer paper work.”</p>
<p>You raise an eyebrow at him “You know what this is Park? This is blackmail. You and YangYang are going to get along so well if this is how you are.”</p>
<p>“The faster you get this done the faster we can find out,” he says as he dramatically sips at his hot chocolate.</p>
<p>“I paid for that cake” you grumble as you pull out your laptop.</p>
<p>“Can I use your phone for TV?”</p>
<p>“You do this every time Park, why can’t you read a book?” Your eyes grow wide as the realization sets in “Hey wait a minute, why aren’t you in school?”</p>
<p>He sheepishly smiles at you “Don’t worry about it, the school thinks I’m sick. Now, your phone?”</p>
<p>“As long as it isn’t my problem,” you say as you open your phone. You see a text from Jeno saying a ‘thank you’ and ‘I need to tell you something about last night.’  You send a text back telling him you might come home with a surprise before handing your phone over to Jisung.</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>“I am going to scream if I have to stay here another minute,” Jisung complains from the chair in front of your desk.</p>
<p>“You’re fine you big baby, I even stopped by your school and got you your missed work.”</p>
<p>“And I finished that, why do you think I’m so bored?”</p>
<p>“You know maybe I should enforce the whole noona thing, maybe then you’ll treat me with respect you brat.”</p>
<p>“Whatever you say Noona.”</p>
<p>“It’s not too late to-”</p>
<p>“I pray for Jeno simply because he has to live with you y/n, ” Taeil says shaking his head as he comes into your office holding a file.</p>
<p>“I’m telling you, he’s like a mix of YangYang and Jaemin in the worst possible way. I get zero respect,” you whine leaning back into your chair, abandoning the documents in front of you.</p>
<p>“Didn’t you tell him he didn’t have to call you noona?” Taeil asks leaning against the wall.</p>
<p>You groan and throw your head over the back of your chair “You know what? Jisung for now and forever I am your noona, respect me.”</p>
<p>“Thanks but no thanks.”</p>
<p>“This is a conspiracy, Kuya help me.”</p>
<p>Taeil smiles and walks over to hand you the file “Sorry kid, no can do. But I can congratulate you on the new foster kid.”  </p>
<p>“Oh my god wait, really,” you exclaim standing up to flip through the papers, Jisung stands up so he can watch you closely.</p>
<p>Taeil turns to Jisung and slings his arm around the kid “Good luck, from the stories I’ve heard she and her family are quite the handful.”</p>
<p>“Kuya Taeil I didn’t think you’d actually get everything done today. I was just about to take him back, have you called the family?”</p>
<p>He nods his head and removes his arm from around Jisung to find a specific sheet “All that is left for you to sign this.”</p>
<p>You quickly grab a pen off your desk and sign it, eyes scanning over the document “Well Park, looks like you’re at my mercy now.”</p>
<p>“Seriously?” </p>
<p>“Yep, I told the family that you would be by tomorrow to get your things. I’ll go with you as your new worker, so maybe I can pick you up after school?”</p>
<p>Jisung smiles, nodding his head intensely “Thank you so much Hyung, you don’t know how much this means to me. I feel like I can breathe again,” he bows to Taeil, who is beyond happy to see the teen smile. He might have only become his case worker today, but he had seen him from the times he came to see you. He would always notice the kid walking with his head down.</p>
<p>“Well it’s 5:50 and I think it is safe to say that y/n and I have worked enough for today. Y/n, I say you take your new foster kid home and introduce him to your fiancé. Goodnight my peeps.”</p>
<p>“Good night Hyung.”</p>
<p>“Good night Kuya.” you both say as you bow to the elder as as a last ‘thank you.’</p>
<p>There’s a silence between you two once Taeil leaves as you both process the information.</p>
<p>“So” Jisung starts “Ready to go home Noona?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, totally! I’m excited to introduce you to Jeno and Ten.”</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>“Je, Ten, we’re home!”</p>
<p>“We?” Jeno asks sticking his head out from the kitchen, and upon seeing another boy staring at him he moves to stand fully in the hallway.</p>
<p>As soon as Jeno meets Jisungs waiting eyes, Jisung hurriedly bows.</p>
<p>Jeno bows back, confused look adorning his face. You smile at how cute Jisung acts when he’s worried and walk down the hall towards the guest room, Jisung trailing behind you.</p>
<p>“I’ll introduce you two once Ten is here, that way I only have to do this once. I’m a little lazy like that.”</p>
<p>Once your party of people reach the room, you knock on the door <em> “Ten get your lazy self out here and meet my kid.” </em></p>
<p><em> “What do you mean kid, you’re too cheap for that. </em>”</p>
<p>You sigh and the other two look at you in confusion “I’m not cheap am I Jeno?”</p>
<p>“Yes, you very much are.” he replies. Jisung laughs and you glare at him.  </p>
<p>“Everyone is out to get me,” you mumble as you turn around to make your way to the living room once you hear Ten’s door open.</p>
<p>“Okay sit,” you demand as you pull Jisung onto the couch next to you.</p>
<p>“Sit where? You and your friend stole the seats.” Ten complains.</p>
<p>Jisung stands to offer his seat but you pull him back down “Are you trying to kick this poor 16 year old off of a couch when you, a 25 year old man, are only a guest in my home?”</p>
<p>“Noona I really don’t mind sitting somewhere else or standing to let one of them sit.” Jisung adds quietly.</p>
<p>“Look what you did Ten, now he feels bad. You don’t need to feel bad Jisung, Ten just has a lot of irrational anger in his very tiny body.”</p>
<p>“Hey, I’ll have you know-”</p>
<p>“Oh shut up, you two are impossible. Just sit, you know you can’t beat her Ten,” Jeno says grabbing Ten’s wrist and pulling him down onto the ground with him.</p>
<p>“Much better. Now let me introduce you all,” clearing your throat you turn to Jisung “Jisung this is Ten. Ten is my friend from university, he’s also Thai so if you can’t understand him it’s because his accent is too strong and you should just ignore him.”</p>
<p>“From what I’ve noticed Ten-ssi has very good Korean,” Jisung comments bowing his head in greeting towards Ten.</p>
<p>“What even was that? You have never attacked my Korean like that before.” Ten scoffs bowing his head back.</p>
<p>“See, impossible to understand. Moving on,” you say dismissing Ten “This is Jeno, my lovely fiancé.”</p>
<p>“Pleasure to meet you Jeno-ssi, I’ve heard a lot about you from y/n” Jisung says bowing his head.</p>
<p>Jeno eyes you but you ignore him and continue “Anyways as you both know, I’m a social worker. And I know you know this Jeno, but Ten I am also a foster parent as of a few months ago. So I want you both to meet Park Jisung, my new foster kid!”</p>
<p>There is a silence among you four and Jisung nervously pulls the sleeves of his jacket over his hands as he waits to hear something</p>
<p>“Well kid, looks like me and you are crashing this place. We’ll make it a time they won’t forget.” Ten says raising his hand for a high five.</p>
<p>Your eyes drift over to Jeno who was just looking at the wall behind you “Jeno, I know I didn’t talk to you about this but it was happening so fast. And Jisung and I have known each other since I started working as a social worker, he was my first case.”</p>
<p>“Jeno-ssi if you’re mad at anyone be mad at me. I called her to complain about my current home and she offered to take me in, I probably should’ve opposed. I just couldn’t go back to that house, it felt so wrong. And you might not understand what it’s like to be looked at like an object that’s only good for money but it feels so wrong. I’m so so-”</p>
<p>“Jisung-ah,” Jeno interrupts smiling softly at the boy “of course I don’t mind you staying here.Y/n has always talked about how much she wants to help people, and this is her way of going the extra step. I know not to get in her way.”</p>
<p>You wrap your arm around Jisung and squeeze him gently. Jisung smiles and bows his head once again “Thank you for taking me into your home.”</p>
<p>“Okay great! So room rearrangement, Ten you’re on the couch. Jisung let me steal some of Je’s clothes so you can have something to change into until we get your things tomorrow.”    </p>
<p>“Hey wait-” Ten says starting to protest.</p>
<p>“He who does not possess any Korean genetics shall not speak,” you say cutting him off as you stand up.</p>
<p>“You know I am starting to miss being away from you.” </p>
<p>“Silence peasant,” and with your final statement you make your way to the guest room to strip the sheets and get some clothes for Jisung to sleep in. </p>
<p>Jisung snorts “Is y/n noona always this mean?” </p>
<p>“Just you wait kid, she’ll turn on you too. She always turns,” Ten says shaking his head and getting up to sit on the couch. </p>
<p>“Oh I know, the closer we’ve gotten the more teasing she has gotten. But I’ve learned how to handle her” Jisung responds quietly. </p>
<p>Jeno takes a seat next to Jisung, leaving enough room between them so as not to make him uncomfortable “This is your home now, no need to be so polite. Loosen up, I’d like to think I’m a pretty cool hyung. Now I’ve only just met Ten, but he is a lot like y/n so you know he’ll be fun.” </p>
<p>“So I can call you guys hyung?” Jisung asks shyly, looking up at him with puppy eyes. Jeno smiles, he can instantly see why you couldn’t resist taking him in. </p>
<p>“Of course kid, in case you haven’t noticed we’re not very proper here,” Ten says slinging his arm around Jisung and pulling him into his side.</p>
<p>Jisung smiles as he allows Ten to pull him. He has never been in a home like this in all his life, not even the one he was born into. All his other homes had either been too strict about what he could or couldn’t do or had been uncaring to the point where he could be gone until one in the morning and no one would notice. </p>
<p>“Thank you so much Jeno-hyung for taking me in, you could’ve told Noona no. And thank you Ten-hyung for giving me the room, if the couch is too uncomfortable for you I really don’t mind sleeping there until you leave. I did come after you so it would only be fair for me to take the couch.” Jisung says to make sure he isn’t overstepping any bounds by coming to live in the house so unexpectedly. </p>
<p>“Jisung-ah, despite my earlier display I don’t mind sleeping on the couch if it means you have a bed. First off you now live here, so it is only fair that you actually get a room as opposed to me who is a guest. An unexpected one at that. And second you are taller than I am and I hate to imagine you cramming your entire 6 foot something body onto this couch for however long I am staying here,” Ten says.</p>
<p>“You hear that Jisung? You’re fine here so stop worrying that you’re in the way, and if they think you are then I will not hesitate to beat them for you. I’m watching you two,” you ‘threaten’ glaring at Jeno and Ten as you come back into the room. </p>
<p>“Sigh, I liked it better when you were gone.” </p>
<p>“Did you just say sigh out loud? Ten that’s a new low, even for you,” you shake your head before focusing on Jisung “There are clean clothes on the bed and you are welcome to take a shower or whatever you desire. I’m thinking we make Ten cook something Thai, he made something amazing when we were in college. He may not look it, but the guy is actually a decent cook.” </p>
<p>“Since when did I agree to this?” </p>
<p>You shrug “You didn’t, you were voluntold.” </p>
<p>“Before this devolves into something worse, I will gladly make dinner for the night. To celebrate our new family member,” Jeno offers, something in his voice making him sound far away. </p>
<p>You tilt your head, Jeno hates cooking. He’s decent at it and everything he makes turns out good, but he always complains that it takes too long to prepare. The only times you can remember him cooking is when he proposed to you and when Jaemin came back from England.</p>
<p>“I’m down for that if it means it isn’t me who has to do it,” Ten says snapping you back to the conversation.</p>
<p>“Uh yeah, that’ll be fun. I haven’t had your food in forever Je, thanks for offering,” shaking your head to clear your thoughts you look over at Jeno to offer him a smile only find him staring at you. As soon as you make eye contact with him, however, he averts his eyes to the ground. </p>
<p>You hear him sigh as he stands up, a hollow smile gracing his face “Well then I’m going to go scour the fridge and see what we have to make a decent meal with.” </p>
<p>“Do you want any help Hyung?” Jisung asks politely.</p>
<p> “I think I’ll be okay, but thank you for the offer Jisung,” his eyes flick over to you before looking back to Jisung and adding “I’m really glad you’re here.” </p>
<p>Your stomach drops and you get this awful feeling as you watch him walk to the kitchen. <em> What the hell does that mean? He even said that he wants to talk to me today, maybe he’s unhappy about how fast things are moving. And I just brought Jisung home, what if that tipped him over the edge? But that was after he sent me the text, he couldn’t have known about this. Unless Kuya told him about it beforehand. He doesn’t have Jeno’s- </em></p>
<p>“Noona” Jisung says placing a hand on your shoulder. <em> When did he stand up? </em>“Can I go take a shower?” </p>
<p>“<em>Sorry, what? </em>” You ask, shaking your head. It’s suddenly very hard to understand Korean. </p>
<p>Ten glances at you before laughing “She must be having one of those ‘any language that isn’t my native language is wrong because I’m too tired’ moments, believe me I get those all the time.” </p>
<p>He stands up “Come on, I’ll show you where it is and you can use the stuff I’m using.” </p>
<p>Ten glances back at you as he leads Jisung to the bathroom. A few seconds later and he is right back at your side. </p>
<p>
  <em> “What’s wrong?”  </em>
</p>
<p><em> “I don’t, I don’t know, </em>” you respond, shaking your head. </p>
<p>
  <em> “Well then what has you thinking so hard?”  </em>
</p>
<p><em> “It’s Jeno, I think I did something wrong. He seems off, has been for awhile now and what if in bringing home a teenager I sent him over the edge? </em> ” taking a deep breath you close your eyes. <em> Why are you acting like this? It’s Jeno, and Jeno is safe. He’d tell me if there was something wrong.  </em></p>
<p>Ten sighs, <em> so it was y/n he was talking about this morning “H̄ạwcı I’m sure that whatever is wrong with him will get worked out.”  </em></p>
<p><em> “So there is something wrong, how do you know? Did he say something to you?” </em> you ask desperately looking to Ten for some kind of comfort. </p>
<p>
  <em> “I don’t know anything other than the fact that it’ll work out, trust me on this. Now, shall we see what we can find on TV?”  </em>
</p>
<p>You nod your head and sink further into the couch, raising your hand to bite the nail bed on your pinky. </p>
<p>It’s a habit you picked up once you met Jeno. You and Jaemin used to always bite your nails when you guys got nervous, and when Jeno saw you biting your nail while trying to make a quick decision he whacked your hand. ‘You and your brother are going to ruin your nails if you keep doing that,’ he scolded once you explained it was a habit you and Jaemin shared. And after you both were scolded, Jeno dragged you and Jaemin to get your nails painted. Jaemin offered to pay, but Jeno insisted and said that if we didn’t want to waste his money then we should bite at our fingers before the nail started. </p>
<p>And for awhile it worked, but once the polish started chipping you started biting again. But as you were used to biting so far down on the nail, you started biting at the nail bed instead of the edge of your nail. </p>
<p>But if anyone were to ask you the moment you started to like Lee Jeno, you would tell them it was that moment. You had never met someone who cared about you enough to try and fix one of your little bad habits, and the idea that there was someone like that in the world who wasn’t family was a wonder to you. </p>
<p>So when Jeno asked you to go to the movies with him because a friend had cancelled on him, you were willing to abandon your class work for the time being and meet up with him. And that night, that was the most fun you had had since you entered college. Seeing as you were halfway through your sophomore year at the time, that’s got to be saying something. And when Jeno, the same Lee Jeno who seemed to be invading your thoughts whenever possible, handed you a single flower for your birthday and shyly asked you to be his girlfriend, you thought it safe to say you had found your new favourite birthday gift. </p>
<p>When Jaemin said he was going to finish school in England, you and Jeno had been together for two years. Yet part of you still expected him to leave you once Jaemin left. But after you dropped Jaemin off at the airport, he showed up at the apartment you used to share with Jaemin with snacks. You guys made a fort out of blankets before you forced him to watch your favourite crime shows. That night, just like when you had first met Jeno, you felt so cared for. You were reminded that someone cared about you and loved you for you. </p>
<p>“Hey Noona,” Jisung asks, his voice pulling you out of your memories “can I join?” </p>
<p>You smile and scoot closer to Ten in order to make room for Jisung “Absolutely, come here you limp noodle.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean limp noodle? I’m stronger than you will ever be,” Jisung mumbles. </p>
<p>“Jisung you really shouldn’t pick up on Ten’s accent, makes you impossible to understand,” you respond shaking your head as he sits next to you. </p>
<p>“And there it is, wouldn’t be y/n l/n without insulting me,” Ten says sighing. He glances at you once Jisung was settled. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t worried about you. He has no idea what Jeno is going to tell you and why it will hurt, he just knows that you’re going to be hurt and there’s nothing he can do about it. </p>
<p>So he does the one thing he can, he scoots closer to you. He scoots close enough to feel you on his left side, and tried to send you all the love he has for you in hopes that you’ll feel even the slightest amount of it. Because if there’s one thing he’s learned, it’s that he has a whole lot of love for you.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hoped you enjoyed the second part! Any feed back you have I would love to hear!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Part III</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Key: Thai is bolded. <br/>schafzucht is German for sheep<br/>Warnings: Jeno thinks really lowly about himself, don’t know if this counts as a warning but there ya go! <br/>So I decided I should just make H̄ạwcı bolded (since it is Thai and I have gained  a brain by part 3) Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Y/n! Y/n’s friends! Dinner’s ready,” Jeno calls from the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something akin to fear grips your heart as his voice rings through your head. Again you’re brought back to the numerous times Jeno had complained whenever you tried to make him cook with you, the memories making this whole situation scream ‘something’s wrong’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” you whisper to yourself, hitting Ten’s thigh before standing up and turning off the TV. “Up up and away y/n’s friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ten sighs and follows behind you, Jisung trailing behind him “You know Jeno, we have names. I am Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul and this is… Jisung, what’s your family name?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, that’s a long name. Mine is just Park.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul and this is Just Park Jisung,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno sets the pan on the table and smirks at Ten “Well Mr. long name, you and Just Park are both friends of Y/n aren’t you? Because if not, I’ll have to kindly ask you to leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You shake your head and sit down at the table, pulling out the chair next to you “Come here Jisung, sit next to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ten pouts and dramatically sits in the seat across from Jisung “You aren’t any fun y/n, they were just about to fight.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You snort and unfold the napkin in front of you before placing it on your lap “I would pay to see Park Jisung fight a person.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should I be offended there’s no ‘Lee Jeno wouldn’t hurt a fly’ comment?” Jeno asks leaning over to the pan, reaching his hand out for your plate</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You tilt your head as if thinking and hand him the plate “I’ve only met this Jeno guy a few times, but he seems pretty spooky.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Spooky?” Jeno repeats laughing, almost spilling some of the food on your plate as he hands it back. That earns him a dramatic gasp from you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean yeah.” You grab Jisung’s plate and hand it to Jeno “wouldn’t you be scared if someone named Jeno came after you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noona that’s nameist.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ten’s cackling laughter is all you hear as you dramatically hold your hand over your heart “Park Jisung, my own child, how could you do this to your dear noona?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisung rolls his eyes “First of all stop being so dramatic, it’s not that big a deal-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ten’s cackling stops as he starts to choke on oxygen, effectively cutting Jisung off and grabbing all the attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You point a finger at him and laugh “Karma’s a-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y/n l/n there is a child.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You guys called me un-fun without knowing you were in the presence of Jenojaem himself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno groans as he sits down “We should let that nickname die.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And let the god that is Lee Donghyuck be forgotten? Never gonna happen,” you say leaning back into your seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And since y/n isn’t smart enough to word it correctly, I should probably mention that Hyuck isn’t dead. He’s visiting his in-laws in Canada,” Jeno glares at you in a playful manner before picking up his chopsticks “but enough fighting, let’s eat!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t classify that as fighting, more of Ten forgetting how to breathe while he overreacted to a comment. I was simply defending myself,” you say shrugging, any trace of anxiety disappearing with the family-like environment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ten drops his chopsticks onto his plate and stares at you “All I did was breathe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not sure ya did Tenny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>~~</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Knock knock.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You smile and pull the rest of the sweater over your head</span>
  <em>
    <span> “You do know saying knock defeats the purpose of knocking right?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You open the door and Ten just shrugs</span>
  <em>
    <span> “You never know, you could have gone deaf.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Are you dumb? Both involve hearing.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ten opens his mouth, pauses, and responds with </span>
  <b>“I’m sorry I don’t understand English.”</b>
</p><p>
  <span>You sigh</span>
  <em>
    <span> “Look if we’re going to play the ‘I don’t want to admit y/n is right so I’m just going to speak Thai’ game then I’m dipping man.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ten laughs and waves his hands to stop you from leaving</span>
  <em>
    <span> “Okay okay I’ll let you in on my reason for coming. Jisung wants to take me down to his dance studio, is that okay?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You glance behind you to glance at the clock</span>
  <em>
    <span> “It’s 7:16, isn’t that too late? I don’t really remember how far away the studio is and I don’t want you guys to get into trouble.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ten smiles softly and pulls out his phone</span>
  <em>
    <span> “Look, it’s only a seven minute walk. I promise that we’ll be back at ten if not before. And in case you forgot, I am your age. So I am very much able to care for him.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You bite your nail bed and search his face for any sign that you shouldn’t let them go. You don’t know what it is, but something about the city at night scares you. Granted that isn’t a strange fear to have, you always worry about your friends walking around at night. “And you promise to keep him safe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiles “Make up your mind </span>
  <b>H̄ạwcı</b>
  <span>, first you forget that you speak Korean and now you forget that you’re talking in English.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ten,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> you whine glaring at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiles innocently and you sigh,</span>
  <em>
    <span> “Promise me you’ll look after him?”  </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabs your hand and shakes it enthusiastically</span>
  <em>
    <span> “I swear on your life </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>H̄ạwcı</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> that I will keep Park Jisung safe.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Laughing you yank your hand away </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Why are you swearing on my life? Shouldn’t it be your mom’s life?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“But I actually like her.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You gasp and raise your hand to hit the side of his head</span>
  <em>
    <span> “How dare you Chittaphon.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noona,” Jisung whines from the end of the hallway “can you please wait to kill him till we get back? I want to go soon so we can get a decent amount of practice in today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You lower your hand and start walking towards him “Jisung you promise to listen to Ten? I know I joke about him but I don’t like the idea of you two walking around this late at night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noona-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I know,” you interrupt walking past him towards the door, Ten and Jisung following behind you “I probably sound insane preaching about not walking around at night, but it’s a thing I have. So just listen to your hyung okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What I was going to say before you so rudely interrupted me was that Ten-hyung already explained that you don’t like it when people walk around at night. So I already know that we will go straight there and straight back, I was also the one to suggest we come back at 10,” Jisung explains, smiling proudly down at you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw Park Jisung,” you gush as you rub his shoulders with your hands “I raised you so well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does that mean we can go?” Jisung quietly asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I mean you both know how weird I am so you’ll both be careful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Awesome, let’s go hyung! Bye Noona,” Jisung said slipping out the door, dance shoes in hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Bye </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>H̄ạwcı</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>, call me if you need me to get anything or you want anything. Okay?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Stop stalling, </span>
  </em>
  <span>you two have fun. Be safe and don’t talk to strangers, I have no idea if this will help but Ten pretend you don’t speak Korean. Jisung don’t talk no matter what,” you ramble as you walk them out the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Noona, we’ll be okay! I’m big and strong, and Ten-Hyung  is… small and angry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You and Jisung laugh at Ten as he feigns a shocked expression and stomps down the hall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry Noona, I’ll make sure he’s safe,” Jisung says as he starts walking after Ten who has already disappeared down the corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You nod your head and turn back into the flat before you can say anything else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y/n, come help me with the dishes. I can sense your worry from here,” Jeno yells over the sound of running water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jeno, you know the dish soap makes my hands itch,” you whine as you walk into the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you big baby, that’s why I am placing you on drying duty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>An ‘ah’ escapes your lips as you walk over to the side of the sink with wet dishes ready to be dried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything is silent between you two as you both work on your respective duties, but Jeno’s mind is screaming. This is the perfect opportunity to tell you everything he has been thinking, but his body is telling him it’s too scary. The fear is paralyzing and he is starting to regret inviting you over to help him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Jeno?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You pause for a second, deciding if this was actually something to mention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’d you make dinner? You hate cooking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He freezes</span>
  <em>
    <span>, what the hell do I say to that? That it’s a goodbye meal because I know you’re going to drop me as soon as I tell you what’s wrong?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You chuckle softly and walk behind him to the sink and turn off the facet “If you’re done, turn off the water silly. You know I hate that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blinks as your voice registers in his head “Yeah, sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You walk back to your drying station “So, the dinner?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turns to face you, looking anywhere but at you “Um it was because I wanted to do something special.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Special? Special for what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can feel the anxiety bubble in him</span>
  <em>
    <span>, how can people in the movies do this? How are playboys a thing?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um that’s something I have been meaning to talk to you about. Do you want to sit down?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You shake your head, the fear and anxiousness trickling back “I’m not feeling that well, so I’d prefer to stand if that’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah of course it is,” he pauses, he has no idea what or how he wants to say. He just knows that he has to say something so this can all end and everyone can start over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have no idea how to say this to you, I have never done this sort of thing before. And I’ve only said it out loud to one other person, so this is all new to me. And I’m sorry if I am rambling, I’ve never been this scared before,” he pauses again, trying to think where he should start explaining.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t be afraid. I won’t judge you for anything as long as you’re telling me the truth, that’s all I want from you Jeno.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glances at you, one look sending his eyes back to the floor. You’re looking at him with such worry again, worry that he doesn’t deserve in the slightest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like I said I have no idea how to say this, so please forgive me for sounding like an idiot. But I guess it all started about two or three weeks ago? Well, way before then but I noticed it about then anyways,” Jeno feels the tears prickle at his eyes and he reaches up a hand to drag his bangs over his face. He’s not ready for the disgusted look he’ll get from you, the look of someone who has been sleeping next to a gay man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I think,” his voice cracks and he quickly wipes his face “I think I’ve made a horrible mistake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your fear starts to double when you hear his words “The cheating kind of mistake?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a second his head whips up to you and he frantically shakes his head “No, not exactly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly?”</span>
  <em>
    <span> Oh god, he did cheat on me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He lowers his head again and responds quietly “I don’t… I can’t love you anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your heart stops and you stare at him. Leaning on the counter for support, you feel your throat start to burn. “Um, what what do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wipes his face again, finally looking up at you “I am not able to look at you as more than a friend y/n, I’m” tears start running down his face “I’m gay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your own tears have started to pour, here is the man you love and were going to marry telling you he doesn’t love you “How- how long have you known?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only for a few weeks, I swear to you I didn’t know when we started dating. I promise I didn’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How could you not know?” you whisper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am so so sorry y/n I really am, I didn’t know until Jaemin came back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then the room goes silent. Jeno stares wide-eyed at the floor as he realizes what he just said and you feel yourself break. You cover your mouth and sink to the floor, pulling your knees to your chest. You were just the closest thing he had to Jaemin, he never loved you for you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno sits on the floor with you, heart pounding in his chest. How could he have been so stupid as to say that? If there was any chance of you forgiving him after this, he had just lost it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a minute of silence, Jeno whispers “I am so sorry, I never meant to say that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You lean your head against the cabinets “So you were just going to leave the fact that you only stayed with me because you were too afraid to ask out my brother?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He flinches at the words, he knows they’re true but it was deafening to hear “I really am sorry, I guess this is just my hamartia.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wiping your tears with your hand you send him a pointed look “Jeno I know I speak Korean pretty well, but I have never heard that word in my life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” he whispers, eyes never leaving the floor. He’s silent for a minute, brain working to come up with an understandable definition “It’s a tragic flaw belonging to a hero. This is just my tragic flaw.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You being gay isn’t your flaw. That isn’t the issue here. The issue is that you knew for weeks and you didn’t tell me. The issue is,” you close your eyes as your breathing becomes faster, your mind becoming fogger “um the issue is that you chose me because you couldn’t have Jaemin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know I know and I’m so sorry,” he bows his head, squeezing his eyes shut. He can hear your breathing become irregular and wants nothing more than to comfort you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen I get that this isn’t your fault, you didn’t pick who you like. I’m not mad that you’re gay, I’m really not. I’m mad that you led me on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was never my intention-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t care what your intention was, you still did it. And I can only imagine how hard this was for you to admit, but this is earth shattering to me. I just found out the man I love doesn’t love me back, he loves my brother more than he’ll ever love me,” you press your back against the cabinet and push yourself up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You see Jeno scramble to his feet, his eyes still trained to the floor. You focus on trying to keep your breath stable as you whisper “I’m going to YangYangs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno quickly looks up at you “I can go, this is your place I shouldn’t stay here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No offense Je, but I don’t really want to sleep in our room,” and before he can say anything else, you walk to your room to pack an overnight bag. You feel the tears stream down your face as you try to focus on the task, mind becoming mushy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As you’re adding the last item, you freeze. You put your hands on either side of the bag and crouch down into a squatting position. And then, you just cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a minute, you just sit there and cry. If he respected you at any point he would have told you sooner. How could he do this to you? How could he lead you on for two weeks while he knew? You take shallow breaths as your mind replays the conversation in your head, magnifying the part where he only loved you because of your brother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You grab your phone and turn to rest your back against the foot of the bed. Taking a deep breath, a last ditch effort for normality, you press the call button.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sup Y/n.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey Yang.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Are you crying?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Uh yeah” </span>
  </em>
  <span>you bite your lip</span>
  <em>
    <span> “I’m not doing so hot. Can you please come get me?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah, want me to get Jaemin? He’s on the way there.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Your heart hurts at the name, before breaking at the fact that thinking about him hurts</span>
  <em>
    <span>. “Please don’t, I’ll explain everything to you once we’re back to your place.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You hear the door open and close on his end</span>
  <em>
    <span> “Okay I’m on my way, do you want to spend the night?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“If that’s, if that’s okay,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>you lightly hit your head against the bed, eyes stinging behind your eyelids. You can feel yourself losing composure and that scares you almost more than anything. Because that means you’re getting more anxious, which means more tears, which will make you seem weak.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Of course, I’ll send a quick text to Yuta-Hyung and he’ll go spend the night at his girlfriends. Then Ten can spend the night too if he wants.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You bite at your nail, heart rate increasing as you remember Jisung</span>
  <em>
    <span>, “Yang I’m so sorry. I forgot to tell you, I have a foster kid now. And that means he has to come with too. I’m so sorry to spring this on you, I know I’m already asking for a lot.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckles</span>
  <em>
    <span> “You’re okay kid, I’m excited to meet him. I hope he can keep up with this family, because he’s gonna be in for a lot if he can’t.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah he’ll be fine, he’s like the worst mix of you and…  yeah the worst mix of you” </span>
  </em>
  <span>you mute your end of the phone as you let out a sob. Never could you have thought the name Jaemin, a name that normally makes you excited, would hurt so much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His booming laugh breaks your thoughts</span>
  <em>
    <span> “Then I’m definitely gonna love him. We can plot against you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You unmute the phone to force a soft laugh</span>
  <em>
    <span> “You can count Ten in on that too I’m sure.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He hums in agreement before softening his tone</span>
  <em>
    <span> “I’m about 3 minuets away, so I’ll be there soon. Do you want me to stay on the phone or what?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You sigh and run a hand through your hair, finally opening your eyes</span>
  <em>
    <span> “Just knock when you get here and we can go. I have to pack a bag for Jisung and Ten.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Okay, don’t hesitate to call if you need anything else. I know how you feel about crying but it really isn’t weak, you’re one of the strongest people I have ever met.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I will, thank you. Bye bye”</span>
  </em>
  <span> you say hanging up to get him to stop talking. You appreciate his words, you truly do, but they are just too much right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You stand up, still struggling to breathe, and leave the room to go pack a bag for the two boys. You busy your mind with digging around in Ten’s closet for some comfy looking clothes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When was the last time this happened? I can’t even remember, I thought I was over this. I’m so pathetic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You scoff and wipe away the fresh tears leaking from your eyes. Now isn’t the time to feel sorry for yourself, you can’t let Jeno see what he’s done to you. You finish packing Ten’s bag and glance at the clothes you had folded earlier for Jisung, the ones belonging to Jeno. You look down at the folded clothes, tears creating little dark circles on the shirt. You don’t want to cry anymore, so you grab the clothes, throw them across the room, and you scream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>~</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeno flinches as your scream hits his ears. He had expected you to scream, cry, maybe even call him disgusting. He hadn’t, however, expected you to want to leave. All the breath leaves his body and his ears ring. He takes quick, shallow breaths to try and refill his lungs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You’re going to leave him, you’re going to walk past him and straight out the door. And then he’ll be all alone. He won’t have someone to come home to, he won’t have someone to wake up to, and he definitely won’t have someone who loves him. He knew this was coming, but reality always hits harder. He hasn’t moved from the kitchen, regret freezing him to the spot. Why did he have to be this way? Why couldn’t he love you like you loved him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughs bitterly, loved. You loved him, past tense, meaning there wasn’t any more love in your heart for him. Tears stream down his face and he tips his head to look at the ceiling.</span>
  <em>
    <span> If this was such a good idea, why are we both crying? I should have lied, told her something else. God, why did I drag Jaemin into this? He is my best friend and I repay him by hurting him and his sister.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lee Jeno,” he whispers, voice full of distaste “you always ruin everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A knock at the door draws his attention away from himself. He shakes his head, trying to clear his thoughts enough to decide if he should just ignore it. Before he can completely clear his thoughts, he hears the door to the guest room opening. His blood runs cold and his vision hones in on his ex-fiancée.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You stop in your tracks as you make eye contact with him, you notice his red eyes and think you probably look just about the same. As you close the door behind you, you can’t help but think how much has changed in the last 30 or minutes. Thirty minutes ago, the sight in front of you would have caused you to rush to his side, wipe his tears, and ask him what was wrong. But now, you can’t help but feel too exhausted to care.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So you draw in a shaky breath and start the walk towards the front door. This house used to be your everything. You can name at least five things in this kitchen alone that has given you a bruise, and with each bruise you can hear Jenos laugh echoing through the memories.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You feel Jeno’s eyes on you as you approach the door, and just as you reach out your hand to turn the knob you hear him whisper three words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As you push the door open, you can’t help but wish those three words had been different. You wish they were words you knew you were never going to hear from him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>YangYang greets you with a smile and you take a deep breath, ready to depart into the dark city.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>~</span>
</p><p>
  <span>YangYang grabs one of the bags from your hand and links his free hand with your newly freed one.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“So I’m thinking we start a movie binge.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You sigh</span>
  <em>
    <span> “I don’t know Yang, I’m not feeling too well.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He swings his bag dramatically</span>
  <em>
    <span> “I’ll order some crappy Chinese food too, it’ll be great.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You smile slightly at his childlike behavior </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re not even listening to me are you?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Mulan or Aladdin?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You freeze in your tracks, pulling YangYang back slightly</span>
  <em>
    <span> “I have to call Ten and Jisung, and I have to send them your address. What am I going to tell them? I haven’t even told you why I left.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He gently pulls you back into a walking pace, smiling softly</span>
  <em>
    <span> “It’ll be okay. Once we get back to my place, we can talk. And then if you want I can be the one to send the text to Ten. I have his number, this way we can test his Mandarin reading skills.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You close your eyes to keep the tears from falling. You had managed to calm down slightly by the time YangYang had arrived, and you were hoping to keep your composure in public. You’ve always hated crying in front of people, it made you feel weak. Especially when you were asked by school nurses if you were on your period, or your mom on the drive home telling you it’s hormones.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yuta-Hyung might still be there when we get back, but he said he’ll try and be out soon,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>YangYang says quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“If it’s too much trouble he doesn’t have to go, it’s his house over mine.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>YangYang nods his head, eyes never leaving the street in front of him</span>
  <em>
    <span> “But he understands. When he first came from Japan, he used to cry a lot. And when he got like that one of the things that made him feel better was when I dragged him to spend hours in the Japanese market. And I know that whatever is up with you isn’t the same, but he understands being sad and wanting someone. Plus he’s just a nice guy all around.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You nod your head, you start to recognize your surroundings. You’re almost to YangYangs, you’re almost safe.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Remind me to thank him later, I’ll try my hand at Japanese food.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’d be a bigger thanks if you just didn’t cook at all.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You gasp and try to pull your hand away to hit him, but he only holds your hand tighter. With your hand being held captive, you decide to settle for mumbling a</span>
  <em>
    <span> “You never complain when I cook.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes, well you make good English food and decent Korean food,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he releases your hand to pull the door to the flat building and hold it open for you</span>
  <em>
    <span>. “But you ain’t Japanese.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You scoff and walk past him towards the elevator</span>
  <em>
    <span> “Just because I am not a Japanese person doesn’t mean I can’t make Japanese food.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The elevator dings open and you both walk in, YangYang pressing the 3rd floor button</span>
  <em>
    <span> “Yeah, but it also doesn’t mean you can make it well.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You wound me.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the walk to his flat was silent. You appreciate the banter, you knew it was to make you feel better. But it is hard to keep up when all you want to do is to shrink into yourself and cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as you walk into the flat, you feel any sense of self-composure you had slipping away. You set your bags down in the hallway leading to the bed rooms so you can grab them when you walk back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>YangYang sits at the living room couch, patting the spot next to him</span>
  <em>
    <span> “How do you want to do this, kid?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You sigh and run a hand through your hair. You’re utterly exhausted and want nothing more than to just find a bed to sleep in forever.</span>
  <em>
    <span> “Can I just steal this blanket, steal your arm, and talk at you?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Come here my child,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he picks up the blanket for you to get under. You smile slightly and let him wrap the blanket around your shoulders before you scoot under his arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“So I don’t even know how to start this, you know I hate crying and everything about this makes me want to cry.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s okay, just say what you want and I’ll follow along.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You nod your head but have no idea where to even start. How do you tell someone that your fiancé doesn’t love you anymore because they’re gay?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Jeno texted me while I was at work today saying that he had something he wanted to talk about, that it was about what happened when he left the café early. He even offered to cook, which Jeno hates doing. So I knew something was wrong, I had this feeling in my gut. And then Ten and Jisung left to go dance, so it was just me and him doing the dishes. And at first I thought he was cheating on me,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>your voice breaks and you can feel your eyes start to sting. You pull the blanket closer around you, YangYang rubbing your shoulder to encourage you to keep going.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“He told me he wasn’t cheating on me, but that he is,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>you feel your breaths get shallower again, the tears streaming down your face. You push yourself further into YangYang in hope that you’ll feel less alone.</span>
  <em>
    <span> “He said that he’s gay.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>YangYang sucks in a breath as he tightens his grip on you. He is completely and utterly speechless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You cry into his side, voice cracking as you try to justify yourself</span>
  <em>
    <span> “And I just don’t know how to feel. I love him so so much, and he is able to look me in the face and tell me that he can’t love me like he wants to. He said,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>your body shakes as you let out a sob</span>
  <em>
    <span> “he basically said he only stayed with me because I reminded him of Jaemin.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You want to continue, but you can’t breathe. Tears are pouring faster from your eyes and you pull your knees to your chest. YangYang whispers comforting words to you, tears threatening to escape his own eyes. He has always thought of you as an older sister, you have always been so strong in his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he was first adopted, his lack of English skills made it hard for him to communicate with your family fully. And as he was still grieving from the loss of his grandmother, he tried to do everything in his power to remind your parents how much he didn’t want to be there. One day, after six months of this, your dad had had enough of his attitude and decided to tell him what he thought of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To say YangYang was afraid was an understatement. He had never seen someone that mad at him, let alone a 38 year old man yelling at him in a language he didn’t understand. And then you came in, shakely standing between him and your father. Words were exchanged, words he couldn’t follow because he was staring at you. The next thing he knows, you’re pulling on his wrist and dragging him to his and Jaemins shared room.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s okay schafzucht, it’ll be okay. Just please try to be good, for you okay?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>As you tucked a piece of hair behind your ear he was able to see how your hands shook. But when he met your eyes, they were steady and looking at him like he was family. He had dumbly nodded his head, eyes following you as you gave him a tight lipped smile before slipping out the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was the first time he had felt truly welcome. Your mother was very kind, she had made sure to smile at him and let him pick what they had for dinner every Thursday. She was also the one to sign him up with an English tutor, making sure to accompany him to the first few lessons until he felt comfortable going on his own. But it still felt like he was a temporary addition to the family, and he hated it. He thought if he acted out, your parents would send him back. He didn’t have a problem with you and Jaemin, he just missed his grandmother and the familitary of Germany.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So five minutes later when he set out to thank you and found you crying on your bedroom floor, head between your knees, he felt so guilty. He’d been frozen in the doorway, staring at you as you slowly raised your head. Your eyes were red and your cheeks were wet with un-wiped tears, you looked so small in that moment. He remembers feeling a sense of responsibility wash over him, you had cared for him so now he had to return the favor. He walked over to where you were sitting and sat in front of you spreading his legs on either side of you. He opened his arms and for a moment you just stared at each other. But with a fresh wave of tears, you scoot into his arms. He wraps his arms and legs around you, rocking you slowly while he sings a song his mom would sing to him when he was young.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Can you text Ten? I don’t want him and Jisung going back to the flat. Tell him I have clothes for them,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>you whisper. Your tears had stopped but you were still clinging to his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Of course,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he leans forward, trying his best not to move you, and grabs his phone. He sends a text to Ten telling him that you were here and had bags for everyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ten replies with an okay and to send them the address so they could start walking back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After sending the address he puts his phone face down onto the cushion next to him</span>
  <em>
    <span> “They’re on their way back now, what do you want to do?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You sigh</span>
  <em>
    <span> “I don’t know Yang, I really don’t want them to see me like this. Can we just go to bed?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He nods his head</span>
  <em>
    <span> “Of course kid, anything you want. Yuta-hyung said I could use his room, so someone could sleep in there, you can take my room, someone out here, and I’ll take the floor. Sound good?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Can you sleep with me? I feel really lonely, and I just don’t want it. I know sharing a bed with your sister isn’t very cool, but when have you ever been cool?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He scoffs and glares down at you</span>
  <em>
    <span> “Being the kind and generous person I am, I am going to pretend I didn’t hear that and still sleep with you. Go ahead and get changed, I’ll set out some blankets and pillows for the guys. We’ll take Yuta-hyungs room if that’s okay.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You nod your head, detaching yourself from his side so he can move. You grab both the bags you had packed, stopping by YangYangs room to place Ten and Jisungs’ bag inside. Bringing your bag with you  to the bathroom, you place it on the ground next to the sink. Not feeling particularly in the mood to wash your face, you decide to just rinse your face off with water a few times and call it a day. After you change, you rummage through your bag looking for your toothbrush. You close your eyes and run a hand through your hair as you realize that you forgot to pack the toothbrushes, the little mistake making you want to cry again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before you can actually cry, you gather your bag and dirty clothes before heading to Yuta’s room. Your body feels numb as you set the bag near the closet and sit on the bed to wait for YangYang. Grabbing your phone, you send a text to Jisung telling him that you were going to miss him when they got here but that you’d set up a way for him to get to school in the morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He responds by sending a photo of him and Ten with the caption of ‘Don’t worry Noona! Ten-hyung said something happened and that he’d take me to school tomorrow.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You smile at the photo and set the phone on the bed side table, lacking the energy to respond.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Who’s ready to get their sleep on?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You roll your eyes</span>
  <em>
    <span> “I can say I think this is the earliest I’ve gone to bed in awhile.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He crawls into the space next to you and pulls up the blanket so you both can get under</span>
  <em>
    <span> “It’s almost nine, it’s fine. We’re old now so we have the right to sleep early.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You hum as you turn off the lamp, settling into the bed with your back to his</span>
  <em>
    <span> “Whatever makes you happy schafzucht.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiles at the name</span>
  <em>
    <span> “I haven’t heard that nickname in awhile.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I wanted something to remind me of the past, something that makes me remember when all three of us were happy.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighs and scoots so his back is touching yours, he knows you like the contact. It helps you to feel less alone </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I love you y/n.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Love you Yang.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope this isn't starting to get boring, I feel like it's a bit repetitive. But anyways I hoped you enjoyed, have a nice day/night!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Part IV</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Only warning is that Jeno feels really bad about himself and being gay. This doesn’t count as a warning, but I feel like this is my longest chapter. You have been warned!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>As soon as you close the door, Jeno feels the breath leave his body once again. That’s it, you’re gone. You left him alone in your apartment, you left him to suffocate in all the memories.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He feels so alone, but he knows he deserves it. He should be spending the night alone, to pay for what he did to you. He knows this, but he can’t stop his body from pulling out his phone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jeno?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hyung,” Jeno flinches as voice cracks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jeno what’s wrong?” his brother's voice is panicked, and Jeno suddenly remembers all the pranks he’s pulled on his brother. The same kind of worry had laced his voice then too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hyung I messed up and now y/n is gone. I know I don’t deserve it, but can you come get me? I can’t be here alone.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course I can, I’ll be there in a bit.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Jaehyun-Hyung. I know you’re really busy and probably tired.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He can hear the smile in his hyungs voice, along with the sound of doors opening. “Jeno, I’m a good Hyung. Of course I’m coming for you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Hyung,” Jeno bites his lip, he can feel his tears falling faster. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jeno, I’ll be there soon okay I-“ his hyungs voice is cut off, being replaced by his wife. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jeno, sweetie do you want me to make you anything?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno cracks a smile at his brother's wife, she treats Jeno like a son rather than a brother-in-law. It makes him feel warm inside “I’m okay, thank you though, Noona.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Give me back my phone,” he hears as his Hyung grabs his phone back with a final ‘I love you little dude’ from Moonhee. “Anyways, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, I’m on my way. I’ll be there in 10, okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you so much.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s a beat of silence as Jaehyun slips on his shoes and out the door “Jeno, I don’t know what happened, but do you wanna talk?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno takes a loud, quick breath as he tries to calm down “Hyung, I couldn’t do it to her anymore. I’ve been lying to her for weeks, she didn’t deserve that. But that’s what I did, and it’s disgusting. I’m disgusting.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you cheat on her?” Jaehyun's tone is hesitant, trying to be as nicely direct as possible. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno squeezes his eyes shut “No Hyung, it’s worse. I can’t love her, I don’t know if I ever did love her as more than a friend.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And that’s okay, that’s not your fault.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But it is, it is because I didn’t cut her off. I let her go on planning our wedding for weeks, two of which I knew I didn’t love her. You don’t do that to a person, you don’t do that to someone you value.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hold on a second Jeno, let me connect my phone to the car,” Jaehyun says as he opens the car door, settling into the driver's seat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno hears the beeping of the car starting before his brother’s voice comes back “It isn’t your fault if you don’t love her, you did the right thing by telling her you didn’t love her.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hyung I- I have to tell you something and you have to promise me you won’t treat me any differently. I’ve already lost y/n, I can’t lose you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s nothing you can say that would make me leave you Je, you’re my brother. I need you just as much as you need me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I haven’t told mom or dad yet, and the only people who know are y/n and Jaemin. She’s probably told YangYang too, Hyung, they must hate me by now. I wish I was better, I wish-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jeno breathe, it’ll all be okay. Tell me what’s wrong, and I can help you make it better,” his brother interrupts, and Jeno focuses on the turn signal of his brother's car to help him think.    </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hyung, you haven’t been listening have you? There is no fix to this, I messed up. I never should have asked her to marry me, and you want to know why? Because I don’t love her like that, I love her brother.” He laughs, a hollow kind of laugh “Messed up right? I dated her for three years before I realized it was her brother I like, not her.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The line is silent, Jaehyun processing the new information about his brother. Jeno, however, takes this as his brother hating him as much as he hates himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno sighs, running a hand through his hair. The idea that his brother thinks of him how he sees himself is enough to send him spiraling into a deeper hole. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, Hyung, I’m disgusting. I played her, I led her on for three years. How could someone do that to someone who loves them? I don’t deserve her love, not after what I did to her. I’m an awful human-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jeno,” his brother states sternly, “stop it. I am not going to listen to you drag yourself down like this. You matter to me, and just because you’re not going to marry y/n -hell just because you don’t fancy y/n’s gender- that isn’t going to change that. I’m pulling up on your street soon, so get your butt outside so we can continue this conversation in person.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno nods his head, and mumbles a quiet ‘thank you’ before hanging up. He looks around the kitchen, eyes hazed with tears. He shakes his hair with his hand, he needs to focus. Sighing, he grabs his wallet and keys before walking away from the all too silent apartment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The first thing he notices when he gets outside is that it’s dark. He smiles slightly as he can’t help but wonder how you’re doing with walking the distance to YangYang’s. The second thing he notices is the cold. He hasn’t been out this late in so long, it feels wrong.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He closes his eyes, wishing everything would just stop so he can think. He tilts his head back, and stares into the endless black sky. His tears have mostly dried, so now he probably just looks like a mess. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I hope you made it there safe, y/n, I’m sorry you have to walk this late at night. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“JJ my man, get in.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno smiles, bringing his head to look straight ahead. His gaze lands on his brother's dimpled smile, the passenger side window rolled down. He walks towards the car, taking his hands out of his pockets to open the door. “Thanks for getting me, it was too much there. Too suffocating all alone.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course Jeno,” there’s a silence as Jeno buckles in and Jaehyun looks over his shoulder before continuing down the road. “Want to finish our talk?”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno sighs and looks out the window “No, but I will.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun nods his head “Good, now as I was saying. Just because your heart decided that y/n isn’t your happy ending doesn’t mean you’re the villain. You’re a good man, Jeno.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno leans his head against the window, tears starting to re-form “Hyung, I’m not a good man. I like-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You like her brother, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Sure, if you were to try and pursue a relationship with him right now things might get a bit messy. But if you wait it out, maybe you’ll get to have something with him.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t do that to y/n, I already screwed her family up. YangYang probably hates me, not to mention her parents once they find out the wedding is canceled because her stupid </span>
  <span>fiancé</span>
  <span> can’t keep his feeling straight.” he laughs slightly “no pun intended.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jeno, here is what I think some of the issue is. I think you’re having a hard time accepting that you’re gay.” and as if to prove his point, Jeno inwardly flinches. “And I think we need to fix that before we can even think about y/n and her family.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have no problem with gay, my best friend is gay. But </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> shouldn’t be, this isn’t how my life is supposed to be. And I decided to only realize it now, three years after asking out my best friend's sister.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jeno, are you listening to yourself? You’re putting yourself into a different category, you’re telling yourself you don’t deserve to be forgiven. And you do, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think you could be forgiven. If you really didn’t care about y/n, you would’ve cheated on her. But you didn’t, you took the hard way out and told her how you feel.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno, for the first time today, feels the slightest bit of hope. That maybe everything will be okay for him, that he can work through this. His Hyung is a good man, so if he thinks Jeno is worth forgiving then he must be worth something right?</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Hyung,” he whispers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun simply nods his head in acknowledgment, he has said his piece and he just hopes his brother trusts him enough to believe in what he says. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>As his brother stops at the last light before his apartment, Jeno looks out the window and sees a couple walking hand in hand. Jeno feels his heart lurch as he realizes that it’s you and YangYang. YangYang is swinging your linked hands, and you have your eyes closed. He can’t see the tears on your cheeks, or even if they’re still there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thinks leaning against the window, watching as you both get further behind as the car starts to move again. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You’ll be okay, I’m not that important anyway. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>~~</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>When your alarm rings, you feel your body tense with a sense of panic. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Where am I? Whose room is this? </span>
  </em>
  <span>But when your eyes focus on some Japanese characters and you realize you’re on Jeno’s side of the bed, you shrink into yourself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Morning, Joe.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“The heck you get Joe from, you lamb skewer?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>you exclaim dramatically flopping onto your other side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You smile slightly as his wide smile spreads across his face paired with his bubbly laughter “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Someone’s being dramatic this morning.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Cease to exist.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He scoffs “</span>
  <em>
    <span>It was your alarm that woke me up, I should be saying that to you.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You roll your eyes, groaning as you get up “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You know it isn’t my fault I didn’t want to spend all day with you and Jaemin in a confined space. There would be too much stupidity for me to handle.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You hear him sit up, clicking his tongue as he watches you pick up your bag. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Are you sure that you’re okay to go to work? I think they would understand if you need a day to think. And I know for a good fact Jaemin would give me the day off, we could have a bonding day.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You look down, shifting from foot to foot “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll be okay Yang, I need something to keep me busy. I can’t sit here and think, I’ll go crazy.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nods his head “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Okay, but if it gets too much just call me yeah? I’ll ditch Jaemin so fast he won’t know what left him.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You snort and turn to leave the room “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You make no sense.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You open the door, nearly having a heart attack as you almost hit Jisung as he’s walking out of the bathroom. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He jumps slightly before smiling “Good morning Noona, sleep well?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You nod your head “Yep! I’m sorry we fell asleep before you guys got here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shakes his head “It’s okay, Hyung and I were able to find the room and this morning I found the bathroom. I think Hyung’s still asleep in your brother’s room, so… there’s all that stuff.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here,” you reach forward and grab his wrist, pulling him into the room you just came from. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You sigh when you see your brother burrito rolled in the blankets. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yang, get your butt up and introduce yourself to Jisung.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You and Jisung laugh, watching as YangYang struggles to untangle himself. He only manages in freeing himself by rolling off the bed, after which he bounces up onto his feet with a wide grin, fluffing his hair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do that every day and it always looks about like that, I swear Yuta Hyung is going to end me one of these days for all the morning thud,” he bows “Hi Jisung, I’m YangYang.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you for letting me and Ten-Hyung stay here with y/n,” Jisung replies, bowing back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, my home is y/n’s home. And-” YangYang tilts his head, looking up to his left before shaking his head. He smiles awkwardly and rubs the back of his neck “sorry, I don’t know how to word it. My Korean isn’t that good yet.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I picked a good time to go get ready. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yang, you better be a good host if not I’ll ground you,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>and before you can hear a response, you slip out of the room and into the bathroom. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Setting the bag down on the floor, you pull out your light blue sweater and black jeans. You push aside the shower curtain, expecting to see the soap you use to wash your face. You nod your head, closing the curtain as you realize all of your stuff is at your flat.</span>
  <em>
    <span> Mental note #1, go get some more stuff. At least it’ll be easier to tuck in a sweater without wet hands.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hey Yang,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>you say quickly, stuffing your old clothes into the bag and sticking your head into Yuta’s room “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m going to throw this in your room. I have to go and I’m sure Yuta-Oppa won’t want to see my stuff around his room if he comes back.” </span>
  </em>
  <span> Again, you don’t wait for your brother's response before closing the door. You walk down the hall to your brother’s room, open the door, and throw your bag onto the bed without looking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as the bag leaves your hand, however, you see that there is a lump on the bed. And as said lump flinches as the bag makes contact, you realize that that particular lump is your friend. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You laugh as Ten shoots up, eyes sleepily glaring at you “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t know why you did that, but I will never forgive you for it.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re fine, think of it as your accidental alarm.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ten groans, flopping back onto the bed “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t have court until ten today, I wanted to sleep in.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You shrug your shoulders “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Sucks to be you I guess. But I have to go, I didn’t know you had court today so if you don’t like what I packed you can go back to the flat and grab something else. I’ll leave my key on the table.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ten grumbles some kind of reply as you pull the door closed behind you. As you walk back down the hallway, you suppress the urge to scream. You force yourself to smile as you keep walking; you left your bag at the flat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span> “All right you guys” you yell as you slip on your shoes “I’m heading out now. I’ll make a chat so you guys can come up with a plan on what you want for dinner. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yang, if Yuta-Oppa is coming home today, tell me. I’ll use my superior vote to decide which Japanese dish to make as my thank you.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once you hear YangYang yell back an okay, you nod your head. Just as you open the door, you hear Jisung run down the hallway. “Noona wait! You left my school bag in the other flat. Can we go get it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah, of course. Sorry Ji, I only grabbed clothes. I wasn’t thinking very clearly,” you apologize, holding the door open for him as he put on his shoes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smiles down at you as he hops out the door, pulling on his shoe “It’s okay, I’ve done that too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We should hurry though, I have to get to work and you have to get to school,” you suggest, quickly walking down the hall to the elevator.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, of course. If you want I can just go myself and you can go to work.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You shake your head and press the down button for the elevator “I have to go back anyways, I left my work bag there too. I really wasn’t in my right mind when I left the flat.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just as Jisung is going to reply, the elevator dings open. You both walk silently in, the people already there moving to the back. You look around the elevator, trying not to meet anyone's eyes. You have always hated elevators, something about quietly standing in a small metal box with strangers makes you uncomfortable. It’s why when you and Jaemin went flat shopping, you insisted that you had to live on the first floor. And after much teasing, Jaemin had given in. After all, he is the last person to stand between you and feeling comfortable.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The elevator dings open again, this time everyone files out quietly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Noona?” Jisung shyly asks, holding the door open for you before falling into step next to you. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I uh, I don’t know what happened between you and Jeno-Hyung but I hope it wasn’t because of me. But I am not worth your marriage, you can ask Taeil-Hyung to relocate me if that will make it better.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You take a sharp breath in, you weren’t expecting that. And of course with the question, comes the pain you have been avoiding all day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No Jisung, not at all,” you mumble, eyes stinging slightly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I will not cry before work, I am better than this. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, okay. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t overstepping.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Also, even if that was the issue between me and him you would so be worth it. Jeno used to take in stray cats when we were at university, almost got caught too,” you smile sadly at the memory. You remember that day, he had texted you saying he almost had a heart attack because his allergies decided to act up just as the dorm check was almost over. Luckily for him, the dorm adviser simply muttered a bless you before moving onto the next room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You force a cough to hide the bitter laugh that leaves your throat, looking the opposite direction of Jisung. </span>
  <em>
    <span>God</span>
  </em>
  <span>, </span>
  <em>
    <span>why are you doing this to yourself? He didn’t ask about Jeno, you decided to bring him up. You can’t go back to those days, back to the days he forced himself to love you. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“One more thing, and then I’ll quit talking. But do you want me to go in for you? I don’t know if you want to not see him or what,” he offers awkwardly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You smile softly “No, it’s okay Ji. You don’t know where my bag is and on the off chance Jeno is still asleep, I’m sure he doesn’t want to wake up to some random kid in his room.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay Noona.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You hadn’t thought about that, what are you going to do when you see Jeno? The memories of what happened are almost enough to make you cry, so how will you hold up upon seeing the real deal?</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You glance over to the boy next to you, the feeling of expectations settling in. The expectation to be better than his other foster families, the expectation Ten and Jisung must have for you to tell them what happened, the expectation to give Jeno some kind of an answer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You shake your head, now isn’t the time to be uselessly stressing yourself. You need to focus on getting through the day so when you get back to YangYang’s, you’re actually able to think about the situation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey Jisung, you should tell me about yourself. I mean I obviously know your past, but I don’t know you that much,” you say to break your thoughts. Why not kill two birds with one stone? Get your mind off Jeno and learn about Jisung. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Only if later you tell me about you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You got yourself a deal kid.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I think the most interesting thing about me that you don’t know is my friend Chenle. He’s this really loud kid from China whose Korean seems to get better once he’s arguing. But he’s from this rich family, so the first time I went over to his house I was very surprised to say the least. But I don’t know how much of that comes from me being a foster kid and him having an actual big house.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You snort as he pauses to take a deep breath “You sound like his number one fan.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sighs and playfully hits your arm “You asked about me, and this is me fulfilling your wish. It’s not my fault that the idiot takes up three-fifths of my life.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Three fifths? That’s a strange fraction.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Chenle is cool and all, but he isn’t special enough to take up 3 fourths of my life.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“To tell or not to tell, that is the question.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You and Jisung jump slightly at the deep voice that comes from behind you. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My fine Yongbok, you gave me a startle,” Jisung says, turning his head to look at the kid who is now walking next to Jisung. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not my fault I’m a God at sneaking, now,” the boy reaches his arm over Jisung towards you “I’m Felix, Jisung’s classmate. You can call me Yongbok if you’re more comfortable with Korean names.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You speak English?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> you ask, shaking his hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Felix smiles brightly, bringing his hand back to hold the straps of his backpack “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yep! I’m a native to Australia.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You smile at how young the boy looks holding his bag like that “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m y/n, native to England.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And now,” Jisung says clapping his hands “all the introductions are done, so we should switch back to Korean so that the best person here isn’t as lost.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know, I think Felix understands English pretty well considering he speaks it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Felix laughs, quickly walking to your side and linking arms with you “I like y/n, she’s funny.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s not funny once you get to know her, she’s mean. You hear that, Noona? You’re mean and I don’t like you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well if that’s the case, I’ll leave right now and you’ll have  to suffer the school day without your bag.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You need your bag too, you wouldn’t hurt yourself to hurt me,” he states confidently. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t know how petty I can be Park.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, hold up,” Felix says, unlinking your arms. You pretend not to notice the smirk he sends to Jisung. “Why is Jisung’s bag at your house? Does the all-mighty Jisung have a tutor?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You snort, “No, I’m his parental figure.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Felix tilts his head “Parental figure?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Parental figure,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>you repeat in English for the boy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, foster new parent. You seem cool, he hated his last home.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He is still here,” Jisung mumbles. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You laugh, hugging his arm slightly “Oh you’re fine you big baby. I’m just getting to know your other friend who isn’t the three-fifths guy. But I’m a little hurt that you talk about your homes instead of me, I’d like to think I was cool enough to talk about before I became your foster parent.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah yeah, yell at me all you want. We’re here,” Jisung says, stopping outside the building. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” you whisper quietly before turning to Felix “If you want, you can wait out here for us. We just have to grab our bags and we can all walk to the bus stop together.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sounds like a plan,” Felix says, nodding his head before walking to lean against the wall. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Okay l/n, woman up. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on Ji,” you mumble, before anxiously taking a deep breath and holding the door for him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What do I do if he’s in there? I can’t just say ‘sup Jeno, how are you doing after last night's talk?’ Maybe he saw my bag and left early for work, or is hiding in the bathroom. I would have no reason to check the bathroom. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Noona?” Jisung calls, tilting his head as he stops in front of a door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You glance at the number on the door, letting out a small ‘oh’ as you realize that it is your flat. You shakily take the key out of your wallet, sighing as you try to put it in the lock. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Even when I’m not nervous, locks aren’t my thing,” you mumble, unlocking the door and pushing it open “you can just keep your shoes on since we’ll be here for five seconds.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jisung nods his head, walking straight to the guest room. You close the door behind you, resting your forehead on the door. Taking one more breath, you turn around to walk to your bedroom.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>As you approach the door, you shake out your hands. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Be better y/n, be braver. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jeno,” you say quietly knocking on the door “it’s y/n.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a second goes by with no response, you slowly push open the door. </span>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thank god,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>you whisper once you realize that the room is empty. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You quickly walk to your bedside table where your bag was leaning against the side, picking it up and turning out of the room as quickly as possible. A sigh of relief escapes your lips as soon as you close the door, the last conversation you had with Jeno still hanging in the air. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why don’t you go meet Felix outside, I have to do one more thing,” you tell Jisung, who was waiting by the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nods his head, opening the door “If you take longer than three minutes I’ll leave you so fast, you won’t know what hit you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nice threat,” you snort, rolling your eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, I try,” he says, winking before closing the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p><span>You smile softly, slinging the bag over your shoulder. You twist the engagement ring around your finger as you walk towards the kitchen table. slowly, you pull the ring off your finger.</span> <span>So far, the only time you have taken it off has been to sleep and when you helped YangYang move in. You thought the next memorable moment of taking this ring off was going to be your wedding. </span></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before the memories can grab hold of you, you set the ring down on the table and hurry out of the flat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~~</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kuya, I’m so sorry I’m late,” you apologize, rushing into his office. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You had made it to the bus stop in time, but, of course, the road was under construction. Thankfully the detour was after the school, so the boys were able to get to school on time. You, on the other hand, were ten minutes late to a meeting with Taeil. You had called him as soon as you saw the sign, telling him you were going to be late. He reassured you that it was okay, he said he could do other work until you got here. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Taeil smiles as you drop into the seat in front of him “You’re all good, I got some paperwork done.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh good, I’m glad I didn’t keep you then.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then should we start?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, of course. Let me just-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Your sentence is cut short as you feel your phone buzz in your pocket. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry Kuya, it’s my friend. He’d only call if it’s important, I’ll just take a second.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Taeil nods his head, and you swipe the accept button. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hey y/n, where is the key?” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Key?” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah, you said you’d leave a key so I could get into your flat.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh, I am sorry. It’s here with me, Jisung and I left our bags so I took him to go get it.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Of course this had to happen. Not only did your bus make you late, but now you’re the reason your best friend has no way of getting the clothes he needs for something legal.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, does anyone else have a copy?” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“No, why would someone else have a copy of my key? Do you have enough time to come here? You can get the key, go to the apartment, and then to court.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Your breath comes out shaky, you hate how weak it must make you look. You can feel Taeil’s eyes watching you.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t think I do. I have to be there earlier than 20 because I guess they want me to go meet the guy at this place and I don’t even know,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>you could hear that Ten was stressed, which made you even more anxious. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Um, can you see if YangYang has any nice clothes? You guys are almost the same size”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah, I guess I can ask him.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Okay, again Ten I am really sorry. I completely forgot about you.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Wow, thanks a lot. It’s not like I am your bestest bud or anything,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he replies sarcastically, the smile in his voice calming you down slightly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I have to go, call me if you don’t get it.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Will do, bye bye</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he replies before hanging up on you. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry about that. My friend has clothes at my house that I forgot to grab, and then I forgot to give him the key because I forgot mine and Jisungs bag there,” you explain. “Oh, and then because I went to get said bags I was late to our meeting-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Y/n?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You look like you’re about to cry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Blunt much?” you ask laughing, bringing the back of your hand to wipe a tear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” he pauses, looking down to where you are rubbing the skin on your left ring finger. “Did something happen with you and Jeno?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is so not the time and definitely not the place for this. I’m sorry that you have to see me like this, this is so unprofessional,” you say tilting your head back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Y/n,” he says leaning forward onto the desk “I majored in psychology, I think that makes me qualified to listen to you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re my coworker.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m your friend.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You pause, bringing your head back to look at him. You hadn’t expected him to say that. You knew you were friends in the workplace, but you didn’t expect him to care. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kuya Taeil, I really don’t want to bother you, plus I already made you push back our meeting. The meeting I proposed to you, and I didn’t even make it on time,” you wipe two more tears that escape your eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, it’s okay. How about we go down to the youth center for our review? Boom, meeting done,” he says picking his pen up and dropping it, spreading his arms, while mouthing ‘wow.’ </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You smile softly at his attempt to make you happy, you expected him to drop the subject as soon as you opposed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smiles back at you, before pouting “So will you tell Kuya what’s wrong?”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow, I never knew you could be so cute,” you compliment before taking a deep breath, averting your eyes to your lap.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I uh, I don’t really know where to stop,” you shake your head, smiling to yourself. “I mean start. But I guess Jeno never loved me? He uh, he loved my brother. “</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Taeil’s eyes soften and you can’t help but notice the small sigh that leaves his lips. You don’t know what else you were expecting other than pity, you would feel the same if this happened to one of your friends. But you’re different, you don’t need other people to feel sorry for you. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If I’m pushing, just tell me. But what did he say?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Does it matter exactly what he said? Because the message is that I was as close to dating my brother as he could get, he never wanted anything to do with me,” you clarified, fanning your eyes with your hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Y/n I am sure he didn’t mean to make you feel like that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And what does it matter if he didn’t mean to when he did,” you take a deep breath and run a hand through your hair. “That’s what I keep hearing, but whatever happened to the phrase actions speak louder than words? That doesn't just apply to the good situations.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nods his head “And that makes sense, I’m sure it is just because we don’t know how to make you feel better. Because let me tell you, I have no idea what to say.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Taeil smiles after he succeeds in making you smile, he was glad you were talking to him. He knew you well enough to know you don’t see things pertaining to you clearly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So now that we have that out of the way, let’s get down to business. I am just going to talk, and if I say anything wrong feel free to chuck this at me,” he says seriously, pushing a box of tissues towards you. “So I obviously don’t know the full story, and I can imagine how hard this is for you. But what about him?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And what about him, he hid it from me for weeks. I’m not a monster, Kuya.I’m not mad that he’s gay. I’m hurt that he kept it from me. And yeah, okay, maybe if I looked deep into my soul some part of me would be jealous. Jealous that the one man I want to marry, the one man I was ready to come home to every day, loves someone else,” you confess, smiling at how ridiculous you sound. Dropping your head into your hands, you squeeze your eyes shut. “God, I wish he had just cheated on me. Then I could hate him and move on.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And that is fair, but again what about his point of view?” Taeil asks calmly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You tilt your head, something about his calm tone driving you crazy. “Do you think I haven’t done that? You’re forgetting I majored in psychology too, I don’t need this mansplained. While my brother was coming to get me and I was packing the bags, that was all I could do. I stood there, thought about how hard it must be for him to come out to me. How brave he is to come out to his long term girlfriend, to tell her that he likes her brother more than her. I am proud of him for gathering the courage.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But what about me? I have never complained about the big things in my life, I have never cheated or lied. I cared for my brother when he couldn’t speak English very well, I tried to not let my mom see how hard the moving was, I am the supportive friend. I did everything! So why does this have to happen to me? Why does the man I love have to like someone else?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Y/n I-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I know,” you say, cutting him off “that these have nothing to do with each other. But for once in my life, I want to feel sorry for myself. To not be the bigger person and have a reason to just feel sorry for myself rather than receive pity from someone else. And I know how awful that sounds, I know that that makes me sound so awful. But I’m tired, Kyua, I am so so tired.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Again, his eyes soften as the tears stream down your face. “Y/n, that doesn't make you an awful person. I think that is a fine reaction to have to something like this, I would probably do the same. This isn’t going to go away until you face it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, I came here for sympathy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You came here because your income depends on it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please, you people need me to come here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We definitely need you, without you who would handle Jisung? And since you are such a great worker, I am gifting you the day off,” he announces standing up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You look up to him, too tired to figure out what he was talking about “You aren’t my boss, you don’t have the right to ‘gift me’ a day off. But thanks, I guess.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just don’t worry about it,” he says, walking to your side of the desk. He crouches down and grabs the things you had taken out, smiling at you as he puts them back into your bag. “You look like you need a day. My only request is that you take today to talk to him. You have a lot to talk about.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You stiffen at his words, at the idea of seeing Jeno again so soon. “I don’t think I’m ready to look at him, Kuya.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Y/n, you won’t ever be ready. But you have to do it sooner rather than later, everyone thinks you are still engaged,” he stands back up, patting the bag. He holds onto it as he takes a seat in the chair next to you</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span> “If you want, I can text him from your phone and then you only have to do the hard part. Sound good?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Your eyes widen and you straighten in the chair “Um no. You have made it clear that I have to talk to him, but so soon? I mean I only found out last night.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s great! No better time than the present.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kuya, I don’t know, that seems too soon to me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Taeil sighs, dropping his head back dramatically before looking you dead in the eyes “Look y/n, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. The hard way is I break into wherever your file is, find his number on the emergency contact form, and call him that way. That plan also involves me holding you here against your will.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t you think that’s illegal in some way?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shrugs his shoulders “Doesn’t have to be.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You groan loudly, pulling out your phone “Will you stay here with me?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s my office, of course I’m not going anywhere,” he answers sarcastically. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You smile nervously at him, opening your phone and pulling up Jeno’s contact. After a last comforting look from Taeil, you press call and hold the phone to your ear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Y/n? “ Jeno answers quietly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You take in a sharp breath, you weren’t expecting him to answer right away. “Um hey Jeno, Kuya Taeil is kind of holding me hostage so I have to ask you something.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh yeah, shoot.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You shift in your seat, you miss when conversations between you two weren’t awkward. “Can we meet up and talk? We can meet up at the flat if you want.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, well I am here right now. Hyung made me take the day off,” he pauses, laughing awkwardly “but I guess that doesn't help if you’re at work. I’ll shut up now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it’s okay. Taeil said I could have the day off, so I can come now. I just have to talk to my actual boss, but I’m sure she’ll give me the day off. Just, I’ll be there yeah?” you don’t know why you feel the need to assure him that you’ll be there, you just want him to feel safe. Yet something about that makes you feel like you’ve lost. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, well take your time. I don’t want you to get into more trouble.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’ll be fine, I’ll see you soon?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, text me when you’re on your way. Oh, I- thank you for giving the ring back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” at the mention of the ring, you rub your thumb over where it used to be. “Yeah, of course. I’m sure- yeah you’re welcome.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jeno laughs softly “I’ll see you soon?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’ll text you when I’m on my way,” you hang up the phone before something more awkward can come out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That wasn’t so hard now was it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was so awkward, but I think you’re right. This was a good idea,” you admit standing up. You wipe your eyes one more time, and pick up your bag. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Taeil nods his head, standing up and walking to the door “Of course it is a good idea, it was my idea.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You nod your head, eyes cast down “Thank you for your help today. I didn’t think we were close enough for you to care,” you glance up at him “Can I uh.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You smile as he spreads his arms open for a hug, squeezing you tight once you wrap your arms around him. “Of course I care, us foreigners have to stick together right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>You smile, letting him go “You’re right, me and you against the world.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nods his head, pulling the door open for you “Now, go make yourself feel better.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <strong></strong>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you all for reading! I feel like this was a pretty boring and long chapter, so thank you for making it through! I’m going to end the series either next part or the one after, most likely the next one. I would love to know your thoughts, have an amazing day/night!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. V</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry that took so long! I wasn’t feeling very myself, and then my family went on vacation, and oh my gosh I was so much busier than I thought I would be. </p>
<p>But I want to say that I got a lot of the ideas for this chapter from Day6′s How Can I Say. If you haven’t heard this song, I highly recommend it. It’s about falling out of love, and they do a beautiful job of describing what it is like to fall out of love with someone you want to or do (in a more friendly way) love.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You know you need to talk to him, but you don’t know which point to start with. You need to talk about how you’re going to break the news to your parents, how to cancel the wedding plans that have already been put into motion, and who stays at the flat and who moves out.</p>
<p>This is all that occupies your mind as you’re standing at the door, trying to calm down enough to open it. It’s funny really, the fact that you’re scared to go into your own home. Well, it’s just a house now. Not a home.</p>
<p>Shaking your head, you reach into your bag to grab the key.<em> Stop being so weird, just get it over with.</em></p>
<p>“Jeno?” You call, unlocking the door and poking your head in.</p>
<p>“Y/n, I’m in the kitchen.”</p>
<p>You nod your head, taking a deep breath as you close the door behind you. <em>No turning back.</em></p>
<p>Jeno looks over at you from the table, averting his eyes as you make your way to sit across from him. “Thanks for coming so fast.”</p>
<p>“Of course, I’m the one who called you after all.” You attempt to add some humor to your voice, to add some normalcy to the conversation. It sounds more forced than you ever thought would be possible with him.</p>
<p>His smile is light. “Yeah, I guess that’s true.”</p>
<p>You nod your head, averting your eyes to anywhere but in front of you. <em>Oh, that’s right</em>. Your -his- ring is still on the table, mocking you. It is, after all, marking the beginning of when it all ended.</p>
<p>“So, we have a lot to talk about. How do you want to go about canceling the wed-”</p>
<p>“How are you?”</p>
<p>“I- I’m still making sense of it, but I’m okay.”</p>
<p>He sighs, smiling sadly at you. It wasn't an annoyed sigh, one you would give a loved one who’s talking badly about themselves. It’s one you’ve given many times to Jeno himself. “It’s okay, y/n, I can take it. Tell me how you really feel.”</p>
<p>“What if that is how I feel?” Your voice is void of any humor, you mean it seriously.</p>
<p>“But it isn’t. You can’t expect me to believe that.”</p>
<p>You attempt a laugh “Well I don’t know what to tell you Jeno- that is the best I can come up with right now. Plus, you know I hate making things about me. I’ve already told two different people how I feel, and that’s one more person than my liking.”</p>
<p>He nods his head, eyes looking around the room. “But I’m not one of those people, I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”</p>
<p>“I don’t need your help, there isn’t anything you could help me with. I just have to come to terms with the fact that you have never and could never love me like I love you.”</p>
<p>You’re shocked by your own words, and from the audible intake of breath from Jeno, he feels the same. You really hadn’t meant to be so direct, you have to word things carefully when you’re in this kind of a situation. But the want to not be the bigger person, to just take the easy way out, is starting to become the bigger voice in your head. You’re just tired.</p>
<p>“You’re right,” he states quietly. “I can never love you in the way you love me, and I’m so sorry for leading you on for as long as I did. That was wrong of me, but I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you. I just- you understand, don’t you?”</p>
<p>“I can see it from your perspective, I really can.” And you do, you can see how hard this must be. You can’t say you would’ve done any better; if you’re being honest you don’t know what you would’ve done in his place.</p>
<p>“But at the same time, did I ever make you feel like you couldn’t tell me? I mean, I’ve tried so hard to make it known to everyone that I’m not a judgmental person. So yes, I understand how hard this would be to tell your fiancée. But I don’t understand how hard it is to tell me, y/n l/n. Why didn’t you tell me sooner Jeno? I just don’t- I can’t understand that part.”</p>
<p>“All of that is true, you are the least judgmental person I know. But you overlooked one detail, I do love you y/n.” He’s looking at you now, meeting your eyes. “So when you ask me why it was so hard to tell you, y/n l/n, that I can’t love you like you want me to, you have to consider that I had to gather the courage to tell you that no matter the amount of love I had for you, I couldn’t feel the butterflies all the books talk about. That I found it so much easier to breathe when you were gone, and that every time we were together, it would kill me inside because you always looked so happy to be with me.”</p>
<p>He closes his eyes, taking a shaky breath in. When he opens his eyes, his voice is shaky and his eyes are teary. “How was I supposed to tell you that for the past two weeks I was waking up every day hoping that you would hate me? That as much as I wanted to hate me, I was too scared to tell you the truth?”</p>
<p>“Jeno-”</p>
<p>“So the reason I couldn’t tell you any of that is because as much as I wanted you to hate me, I didn’t want you to leave me. How could I tell all that to the woman I love? Because I do love you, y/n. I thought I told you to never forget that.”</p>
<p>By the end of his confession, he’s crying. You feel your heart break a little more, and you almost feel bad for the things you said. But you’re not sorry. As much as you just want to tell him it’ll be okay, you know you can’t. You wouldn’t feel good about leaving it like that, there wouldn’t be closure for either of you.</p>
<p>“I think we both know that it’s not me who you love. And that’s okay, it really is. Just please, stop lying to me. It- it hurts too much.”</p>
<p>“Weren’t you listening? I do you love-”</p>
<p>“You don’t.” You don’t like the sharpness to your voice. It isn’t how you’re supposed to sound with him. “You like my brother, and that’s completely fine. There’s nothing either of us can do about it.”</p>
<p>He just looks at you, his stare so sad and hollow. You’ve only seen Jeno cry around four times, and you’d say it was on the same level of heartbreaking for you as the line of work you’re in. You’ve become immune to Jaemin when he cries; he used to do it a lot. But Jeno is different; it’s always hard to look at him when he cries. It actually makes you feel something, actually makes you feel guilty.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” you whisper, looking down at the ring. “That was harsh. I just -I don’t know how to go about this. My whole life I have tried so hard to be the understanding one, but for just this once I don’t want to be understanding. That’s probably why my job fits me so well, why I haven’t left despite how sad it can be. Just for once, I want to be the one who just has to say what’s wrong and have someone else fix it for me.”</p>
<p>“And that’s fair - you shouldn’t have to be the one to fix everything all the time. So how about we switch roles? You tell me what you’re feeling, and I’ll try and offer my best solution.”</p>
<p>You look up at him, at his red eyes, and fight the urge to laugh at yourself as the realization hits you. <em>It was dumb to think I could be the one who just listens, who only does a quarter of the work. He’s not the problem here - I am.</em></p>
<p>“I think we both know I’m really the only one who can offer a solution. I mean, let's talk about what’s wrong here: we’re in the wrong relationship with the wrong people. Or, I guess for a more accurate statement: one of us is with the wrong person and the other one is with the right person.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry-”</p>
<p>“Would you stop apologizing?” you snap, before taking a deep breath. You let out a soft chuckle, recognizing the habit as one of your own. “I want to tell you a story.”</p>
<p>He looks up at you, wiping his face. He looks surprised to say the least; this isn’t what he had been expecting when you had called him. “Um, okay.”</p>
<p>“When my mom was in high school, she was best friends with this girl. And if I am remembering right, this girl had some troubles at home - she and her mom didn’t really get along. But they were close because she was the first friend my mom made after she had moved to Wonju. And you know, they didn’t have text. So my mom and her friend would write each other letters and stick them in each other’s mailboxes.”</p>
<p>“And sometimes, the girl would never write them back. I remember my mom said she had written eight letters, the last one asking if she was okay. Oh, and I guess I should say they didn’t attend the same school because her friend was homeschooled. But anyways, my mom had written those letters along with calling her house phone. But no matter what, her friend didn’t answer her. My mom said she was worried, up until she saw her leave her house to go hang out with other friends.”</p>
<p>“But to get to the good part when she and my mom finally did get to talk, my mom forgave her after her friend said she had been having a hard time. My mom had thought everything was going to be normal again, but then her friend ignored her again.”</p>
<p>“No offense,” he started quietly, making sure you had finished your story. “But what does that have to do with anything?”</p>
<p>“I know it isn’t even close to the same situation, but I think what happens next is around the same thing.”</p>
<p>Jeno nods his head, chewing his bottom lip before asking “And what happened next?”</p>
<p>“Well, my mom stopped trying so hard. She knew things were falling apart and she didn’t want to prolong the experience. So, she stopped writing letters and waited until her friend would write them first. Eventually, they just went their separate ways.”</p>
<p>“And that means for us?“</p>
<p>“That means,” you repeat, sighing as you run your hand through your hair. “We take a break from each other, just like how my mom and her friend did. I mean, isn’t that what normal couples do when they break up?”</p>
<p>“Do you - do you think we’ll ever be able to be friends again?”</p>
<p>You smile, looking down at your hands. You had thought about this a lot on the walk here, whether or not you could bring yourself to look at him as a friend. You love him, you really do. As cliché as it is, you can’t imagine not loving him.</p>
<p>“I hope so. I really like you Jeno. But honestly, I don’t know how long it’ll take. You broke my heart, not that it’s really your fault, but you did. However, you mean too much to me and my brother for me to completely cut you out of my life.”</p>
<p>“I’ll do anything y/n, you and Jaemin are important to me too.” He shifts his eyes down to the table, to the ring. He smiles sadly, whispering “More than you could ever know.”</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>He wants to ask about Jaemin and whether or not you’ve talked to him yet, whether things are okay between you two, whether Jaemin blames him for anything. But that’s probably a subject that he isn’t allowed to ask.</p>
<p>“You know,” you start, and Jeno can see you rubbing the skin on your ring finger. He looks away from the ring in favor of the end of the table. “I don’t know what I’m going to tell my parents. Because I want to respect your privacy and I understand if you don’t want me telling them. But how do you think we should go about canceling this?”</p>
<p>He nods his head. His mother is going to be so sad. She loves you; it’s no secret that she always wanted a daughter. The fact that her face always lit up around Christmas when she had the opportunity to shop for his female cousins was evidence enough of that<em>. At least she has Moonhee Noona.</em></p>
<p>“I don’t know, but do we have to talk about this now? I don’t want to add unnecessary stress to your life.”<em> That, and I don’t want to do this right now. As always, Lee Jeno selfish until the very end.</em></p>
<p>“Oh, I’d definitely prefer to do it right now, I don’t know if I’ll be strong enough to do this later. I know I said that you mean a lot to me, and you do. But like I said, I think we just need some time apart.” Your eyes are cast downward and they’re slightly watery. This is something Jeno doesn’t see a lot, but always hates.</p>
<p>“Oh - oh yeah totally. Um, we can tell them that I changed my mind about getting married, that I need some time to figure some things out about myself before I can get married. That is the truth after all.”</p>
<p>You nod your head, taking in a shaky breath. “Yeah, that sounds good. Thank you for - just thank you. I guess it’s good we never got around to deciding the flowers huh?”</p>
<p>He huffs out a laugh, smiling softly at how your usual playfulness hasn’t disappeared completely. “Yeah, I guess so. Let me take care of everything else. don’t worry about it.”</p>
<p>“That isn’t fair - let me help you. I don’t mind, really.”</p>
<p>You probably didn't mind, but there was something off. The tone of your voice, your overall behavior, just seems tired. You look fine, probably better than he did. He had had a hard time falling asleep, all the different scenarios had him thinking into the early hours of the morning. But you looked nice, like you had slept well.</p>
<p>But you seemed tired, more so than he looked. He knows it’s his fault, so the least he can do is offer to lessen your workload. It’s the right thing to do - it’s the least he can do.</p>
<p>He shakes his head. “No, let me. You planned most of it, so it’s only fair that I cancel it.” <em>That, and if I wasn’t causing the issue here there wouldn’t be anything to cancel.</em></p>
<p>You look up to meet his eyes, holding his stare as you scan his face. Sighing, you nod your head breaking the eye contact to stare at the wall behind him. “Okay, but if you need any help, you can ask me.”</p>
<p>“Okay, thank you.”</p>
<p>“One last thing, and then I’ll stop asking you all these questions. But do you want to stay here until you can find your own place? Or how do you want to do that?” Your tone is soft, maybe hesitant.</p>
<p>“What do you want?”</p>
<p>“I - um - I don’t really care. I don’t want to make it one of those ‘I don’t care, whatever you want’ debates.” You rub your hands together under the table. “I really just want this all to get sorted out as soon as possible.”</p>
<p><em>Oh, your tone isn’t hesitant, it’s anxious.</em> “I’ll stay at Jaehyun Hyung’s house. This is your house.”</p>
<p>You nod your head. “I’m hoping to stay at YangYang’s again, I’m making a thank you dish for his roommate who is letting me sleep in his room. So if you want, you can use today to get all your things. You can call people over to have them help you get all your stuff or you can get what you think you’ll need and just come by later for more things over time.”</p>
<p>“I’ll try and get everything today, but knowing me I’ll forget plenty of things. You’re okay with me coming around to get anything I forget?”</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>Jeno had gotten pretty decent at reading you over the years. And this is something he had seen you do to plenty of other people. Where you hesitate before agreeing to something, something you hope won’t actually happen. He had thought about this a lot, wondered how many times you had done it to him before he was able to recognize the signs.</p>
<p>“Okay, then I think everything is settled.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, just give me a call if you think of anything else,” He says, shaking his head to clear his thoughts. “And I’ll do the same, if I can’t figure something out, I mean.”</p>
<p>You nod your head, taking a deep breath.</p>
<p>The conversation is over, you both know that. Yet, neither of you make a move to get up. He knows you want to get away from him, knows it is probably too suffocating to be in the same room as him for right now.</p>
<p>So it was safe to say that he was confused as to why you aren’t jumping at the chance to get away from him. Not that he was complaining. He may not be able to look at without feeling an immense sense of guilt, but being around you still felt okay to him. It still felt easy to some degree.</p>
<p>“Okay.” You stand up, picking up the chair so it doesn’t scrape against the floor. “I guess I’ll see you later?”</p>
<p>He gets up after you, following you to the door. “Yeah, I’ll have most - if not all - of my stuff gone by the time you get back from work tomorrow. I’ll um - I’ll leave my key on the counter.”</p>
<p>You nod your head, standing by the door, back towards him. <em>This is it, this is the last memory I am going to have in our house. The last memory I am going to have of us together for a long time.</em></p>
<p>“I just - I just have one more thing to say. And this is really hard for me to say, but it’s really important.” You keep your back turned to him. “I know you make Jaemin happy, and he makes you happy. I’m not going to ask you to give each that up, he’s my brother and his happiness is my happiness. All I ask is that you wait a while, give me some time to… to get over myself. I want you two to work something out, if you are both still interested in each other, and not think about me. I want you two to be happy.”</p>
<p>Jeno is speechless, how can you still be the bigger person in this situation? You had just told him that you were tired of being the bigger person, that you wanted to be on the receiving end of that for once. Yet here you are, being the better person until the end. That is something he has always admired about your family, especially you and Jaemin.</p>
<p>“I - I will, I promise.”</p>
<p>You bring a hand to your face, and he assumes you’re wiping a tear. “Goodbye Jeno.”</p>
<p>“Bye y/n.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And that’s the end! Thank you to everyone who has supported this series. This was my first time writing something like this, so I really appreciate everyone who has read this. I really can’t explain how thankful I am that there were people to read my story when it was posted, it means so much to me. So again, thank you to everyone who has read this series. </p>
<p>These are Tumblr @'s, but if you're looking for some stuff to read they have some cool stuff! Thank you to @mozartwasajungkookstan @dearyongs and @staymoarmyzen who read over and helped me edit. And thank you to @bunny-doyounq and @jinxouls who helped me with the first part and helped me to properly get excited about this idea.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you to @bunny-doyounq and @jxngolas for helping me to make this. These are Tumblr @s but I am very thankful to them for amswering some random girls message asking them to over look a story. </p><p>I would love to know what you did or didn't like. I only want to get better, so please leave me your thoughts. Have an amazing day/night and thank you for reading, it means a lot.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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